


Kindergartenstuck

by shellebelle



Series: Jerseystuck [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, jerseystuck, non-sburb AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-10-27
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2017-10-25 00:05:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/269406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shellebelle/pseuds/shellebelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And everyone starts kindergarten. Probably unbearable amounts of cute and sometimes sad. Be warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tavros Nitram, Age 5

**Author's Note:**

> OK, first time writing Eridan and Feferi...I hope I do a good job!

_  
School Days! You young troll of five to six years (two to two and a half Alternian sweeps) might be nervous on this day but be certain to assure him that plenty of human children have done this for hundreds and hundreds of years and that she will return to you safely. Go over what will happen on the day of school, and be sure to make the day as normal for your child as possible. Remind him that this will be the perfect opportunity to meet other trolls his own age, and that some of them may be his life long friends!  -- from Trolls: from Ages 5 - 9 years, A Parent's Guide   
_   
==>Tavros: Be five

You are Tavros Nitram, and you are very nervous because today is your first day of kindergarten. Your mom gave you a bath last night and talked to you about being polite and nice to everyone, and to pay attention to your teacher, and your dad carried you upstairs on his back and tossed you into bed so that you bounced on the mattress.

It's as close as you've ever gotten to flying and it makes you laugh so hard, that Dad laughs too.

And Tinkerbull was with you all during respite time, cuddled against your chest, which is just your favorite way to sleep, so it was easier for you to fall asleep, your thumb in your mouth, which is a bad habit that your mother had mostly broken you out of while you were awake. But during respite, things are still worrisome till you go to sleep.

Most of the trolls go to the late afternoon session of kindergarten. It was created especially for the trolls though there are some humans that go too, if their parents needed childcare more into the evening, perhaps. Or if the humans had troll siblings.

Your family has gotten on a nice schedule since they got you five years ago, though sometimes they get a grubsitter if they want to go out during the early part of the day or very late at night. School is around two in the afternoon, goes to six, and your bedtime is midnight, for now. Mom says it'll get later as you get older.

You peek open one eye, squinting against the bright afternoon sunlight, and Tinkerbull licks your face to wake you up.

“   
Ugh, Tinkerbull, why...” You wipe your face with the back of your hand and pull the covers up over your head, just your horns sticking out over the covers. You've been looking forward to this day for months and months, but now that it's here, you just want to stay home.

You hear your door click open and you know your mother is standing there because you can smell her. “Tavros, sweetie...time to get up for school!” She sits on your bed hard, bouncing you, and despite yourself, you giggle. Your mother pulls down the covers from your face and smiles at you. “Come on, sweetie. You're going to be fine, grubbybaby.”

You can feel your face flushing as she calls you that old nickname, and you whine at her.    
“   
Moom, don't call me that when I gooo, okay?” You would be   
_  
so   
_   
embarrassed if the other troll kids heard her call you that! 

“   
Of course not!” She chucks you under the chin. “But I'm your momma, so I'm always going to call you grubbybaby in my head.” She leans over and blows a raspberry on your cheek and you squeak with laughter. “Even when you are a big huge grownup troll, I'll still think it in my head and maybe sometimes even whisper it in your ear and make you go all brown.”

You keep giggling and before you know it, your mother has you up and awake and getting dressed, and even though you are still nervous, you don't feel quite as scared.

Your Dad is still at work, so it's just the two of you. Your mother fixes you eggs and you sit at the table with your sunglasses on because it’s still too bright at this time of day.  She puts your plate in front of you and you start eating immediately. 

“I’ve packed PB&J for lunch, and a banana. I need you to eat the banana, okay, buddy?” 

Your mouth is full so you go “umhum” and keep chewing. You kick your feet against the legs of the chair. You look up at the lights in the kitchen dreamily. 

“Okay, you’re done with breakfast, Tav,” your mother says gently, rousing you from your slightly dazed contemplation of the lights. “Go brush your teeth, okay, then we’ve got to go.” 

You slide off of the kitchen chair and go into the ablution block, brushing your teeth and combing through your short mohawk of hair between your huge horns. The horns will not fit inside of a school bus without you turning sideways or hitting another student in the head, so you will be riding in with your mother each day. 

You are very okay with that. You want her to be the last thing you see when you go and the first thing you see when you come back. 

But then, you’re five. 

You come out of the bathroom and your mother hustles you to the door. You hop down each front step with your arms outstretched, murmuring   
_I can fly!_   
as you bounce down each one, and hurry to the car, bouncing into the backseat. Your mother has to put your head in a special harness when you ride in the car because your horns are unusually heavy and a short stop will have you smashing your head into the front seat.  You don’t like it but you know it can’t be helped, plus it’s kind of nice not to have to carry your horns all on your own for a few minutes. You can move your head to look around just enough so that it isn’t uncomfortable. 

Your mother loves to drive in the car with you because you listen to music and sing along. She doesn’t mind if you don’t know the words, and sometimes she helps you make some up. She will let you pick out the radio station or the disc you’ll listen to in the car. You’re amazed as always that she knows so much music, even the newer Alternian English language music. You’ve seen pictures of Alternia, and you think it’s a really interesting place and so different from where you live now. You wonder what it would have been like to live there. 

This is really the first time you’ll be around a lot of other trolls...or other children, really. You have a few friends in your neighborhood, but they’re all human and a little older than you, and you have to be careful with them, especially around your horns. It will be nice to have friends who look more like you, even though the human children you play with are really, really nice! 

It’s just that...you feel really, _really_ bad when you hit one of them with your horns. Maybe other trolls won’t be hurt so easily... 

You pull into the school parking lot, your mother stops the car, and suddenly, your stomach feels as if it’s just hit the floor of the car. Suddenly, your heart is beating madly and you feel dizzy. Your mother looks back at you, her face full of concern. “Tavros,” she says firmly, “breathe. It’s going to be all right.” 

You close your eyes behind the sunglasses and remember to take deep breaths, and shrug your shoulders up and relax them. You feel better but still scared, as your mother helps you with the car seat and harness. You get out of the car and cling to her hand. “Easy, Tavros,” she says gently, and you remember to gentle your claws. She smiles down at you. “It’s going to be all right, sweetheart. Come on, let’s go meet the teachers.” 

As you approach the school, there are already some other kids on the playground, with their parents standing around, waiting for the first day of school to begin...

==>be Alice Penny

You are _terrified_ , to be quite frank. Even from this distance, you can tell that Tav is going to be one of the smallest troll children there, and well you know what sorts of things happen to smaller than average children of any race. Tavros is nervous, and he’s hopping up and down as he’s holding on to your hand. You are trying to remain outwardly cheerful, and you hope Tav isn’t picking up your nerves or fear. 

In the past five years, he’s rarely been out of your sight. You know that mightn’t have been the best thing, but taking care of him and raising him has been a delight as well as a challenge. 

But the one thing you will _never_ forgive the family council for keeping from you was just how   
_  
pervasive   
_   
the hemospectrum bias is in troll culture. It has made everything a challenge--from getting medical care, to getting clothing with his symbol on them, to simply acquiring information on child care.  The past five years have been a nightmare of ignored questions, disregarded letters and unreturned phone calls. True, you are quite intelligent and very good at getting what Tavros needed, but what if you hadn’t been? Would Tavros have succumbed to that first high fever as a grub? Might you have brought him to the troll emergency room two hours away only to have him be culled when you weren’t watching? Of course the “official practice” was not to cull trolls at all, but it was worrisome when the reports of such things happening to injured or ill trolls in the hospitals began coming out when Tavros was only a year or two old. 

Make no mistake, you love Tavros as much as any other child you could ever have biologically,and you wouldn’t trade him for anyone or anything, but it would have been nice to know to expect such things. 

The teachers look much like any other kindergarten teachers, but one is a tall troll and the other is a short, young woman with red hair. They seem to be getting along well, and so you bring Tavros up to them to introduce him to them. Both women give Tavros a warm smile, which is all the boy needs to feel welcome. 

You watch Tavros as he hesitantly steps up to the edge of the well-shaded playground, wondering what he’ll do. He looks so little and lost and you fist your hand in your skirt. 

Suddenly, a little girl looks up from where she’s playing with two other girls, sees Tavros, and points him out. Then she runs up to Tavros. She’s a cute little thing in a pink dress, with curving horns like a ram’s. “Hi! My name’s Aradia! What’s yours?” She grins at him, rocking back and forth on her heels. 

“I...I’m Tavros Nitram, hi?” He sounds so shy and uncertain, but the little troll girl is undaunted. 

“We’re playing a game, me an’ T’rezi an’ Vriska! You should come play on my team!” 

He looks uncertainly over at you and you smile at him and make a ‘go on’ motion with your hands. He turns back to the girl, nods, and she grabs his hand and pulls him over--but not too fast because she can see that his horns are rather large and bulky--and the other two girls welcome him in to their circle. 

You expel your breath in relief.    
_  
Thank goodness he’s found friends so quickly...    
_


	2. Karkat Vantas

==>Karkat: be five

You are huddled in the car seat with your knees to your chest and your big yellow eyes glaring at your dad in the rear view mirror. 

You do not want to go to school. 

It’s not that you’re scared at all, of course! It’s just stupid! You learn more from your dad than you would ever need to know, anyway, right? You just don’t see why you can’t just stay home and read. Why would you need to go to some stupid school away from home, where everyone can tease you about your stupid barely-existent horns? 

Not that you care or anything! It doesn’t even hurt your feelings at all! Really!

“Karkat, your face is gonna freeze that way if you don’t cut it out.” You can tell that your dad is smiling at you by the way his voice sounds and that just puts you in a worse mood. 

You growl at him. “Don’t care.” 

At the next stop light, he turns in his seat to fix you with a Look. 

You hate when he does that. 

“Karkat, do  _not_ give your teachers any trouble, or you will not be able to watch Beauty and the Beast for the next  week. ” 

You pick up your head, your mouth a round ‘o’ of surprise. “But...” 

“No ‘buts’. No trouble, Karkat, and I mean it.” 

You grumble and sink your head back into your knees. “All right.” Not fair.  _ So _ not fair! 

The light changes and he drives on. 

“Karkat.” Your Dad’s voice was more gentle now. “No one is going to care about the size of your horns, and if they do, they’re  not worth your time.” 

“I _know_!” He tells you that all the time, so you’re a little snippy with him. He doesn’t get on you about the snippiness. He knows you by now, and knows you don’t really mean anything by it.  

“We’re almost ready to pick up Survia and Kanaya,” he says. “Relax, Karkat, okay?” 

The corner of your mouth lifts a little and you nod at him, though you don’t really relax. You rarely do, and that’s why you’re already in a recuperacoon while most of your peers are still in regular beds. Your dreams are awful. 

Your Dad stops the car in front of the small hive, where the two of them live. It’s very rare to have an actual troll foster parent, and Survia is the only adult troll you really know. She’s really nice and you like Kanaya, even if she is a girl. 

Survia is very pretty, tall and a bit paler than most other trolls. Unlike you, she and Kanaya seem to have no trouble with the sunlight, and do not need sunglasses. Kanaya climbs into the carseat beside you and smiles at you. She always looks pretty and clean and shy and you always feel like a little grubby grub beside her. But she makes you feel good, too, calm.  Survia reaches in and ruffles, then smooths, your hair with a soft smile, and then she gets into the car beside your dad and kisses his cheek. “Terrence,” she says softly. 

“Survia. And how’s Kanaya this morning?” 

“I am fine,” the little troll girl said. “Mother says that I should be quite excited to be starting school, but I believe I am only nervous.” 

You love to listen to her talk. She turns to you and smiles shyly, and you know how she feels. She leans over to you and drops her voice to a whisper. “I am frightened.” Her eyes are big and round. 

“Me too.” You really don’t want to admit that to anyone but Kanaya is different. She and Survia have been constant companions for you and your dad for as long as you can remember, so she’s safe, and won’t think you’re weak or anything, because she  _wouldn’t_ think that. “You think they’ll let us sit together?” 

“Perhaps, if we ask nicely, but Mother says they might have a different method of seating us.” 

You snort. Asking nicely was not something that came easily to you. “Maybe if  _ you _ ask.” When you ask things of any other adult but your Dad or Survia, most of the time they just turn you down. 

Kanaya reaches out for your hand. “Despite our mutual fear, I think we will be okay.” 

You certainly hope so. 

==>Terrence: Be nervous as fuck

You watch as Karkat and Kanaya join the other trolls on the playground, watch as Karkat hunches into himself, watch as Kanaya tries to pull him in to be more social, and let out a sigh of relief when he manages to at least be somewhat social with Kanaya helping him. 

“Thank gog for your Kanaya. If it weren’t for her, Karkat would probably huddle in a corner somewhere.” You worry about him. He’s so hard on himself and you wonder if somehow it’s your fault. You’ve tried and tried to be a good dad. 

That said, you’re also glad Survia has been around. She tells you you’re doing a good job and it’s a good thing she has, because you might have given up before this.  And you just love the kid so much, giving him up would have destroyed you. 

And of course, there are other reasons you’re glad Survia is around. You’re reminded of that reason when she slips her hand  around yours.  “Karkat is highly intelligent and thus he feels strange around his peers who are not intelligent in the same way as he is.” She looks up at you. “You’re doing a fine job, Terrence.” 

You smile down at her. “You could almost make me believe that.” Karkat is beginning to come out of his shell a bit, starting to talk to a couple of the other girls that Kanaya is also talking to. 

“He’ll be fine,” Survia says. “He’ll find his way.”

“Yeah.” You know this, somehow, but you still worry. 

“We should go...leave them alone to acclimate.” Though she’s not making a move to leave, either. You can tell that she’s worried too. There’s a tiny line between her eyes as she watches the two kids. 

“Why don’t we stay and watch till school’s in session? And then, you and I can take a ride to the cinnamon roll place. We can split one.” 

She looks at you and then grins and punches you lightly on the arm. “You know my weakness.” 

“Yep,” you say cheerfully, “and I’m totally exploiting it.” 

“Okay, then.” She comes closer, looping her arm through yours, and leaning her head against yours. “May we listen to the classical station?” 

“Anything for you,” you say, and it’s true. So completely true. She grins at you again and you look over to your kids again and you watch them slowly add to their circle of friends. 


	3. Seadwellers

==>Eridan: be five

Feferi is asleep against your shoulder. She isn’t used to being awake so early in the day, and she isn’t used to seeing any light that isn’t filtered through the water. The edge of your cape is over her eyes as she dozes. She’s also really not used to wearing much besides a swimsuit, and she looks odd in her skirt and blouse. She doesn’t look _ right.  _

You don’t want to go to school. You have a stammer and no one but Feferi likes you, not even the people who took you in as a grub. Luckily, you have adult troll neighbors that you go to when you can’t go to Fef’s house. They make you feel better about being...well,  _ you _ _._ They tell you that you’re actually a member of royalty. A prince. And Feferi is a princess. The heir of the troll Empress. 

You two were meant to be.  You were hatched for each other. That’s what you cling to when you feel lonely and bad, the way you do most of the time. 

Fef’s foster parents are up front, Mr. and Mrs. Tangredhi. You envy her them. They’re loving and interested in her life and how she feels. But truly, she deserves them much more than you do. 

“We’re almost to the school you guys! Fef, you should wake up, sweetie!” 

Feferi whimpers and cuddles closer to you, and you flush purple. You pull your cape off of her head and she squinches her eyes up and sighs. “Glub. Why does it have to start so  _ early _ ?” she whines. 

If it were up to you, she’d never have to get up early or go to school. And neither would you. 

Mrs. Tangredhi laughs, and reaches back to pat Fef’s hair and grin at you. You always feel warm inside when Fef’s mother smiles at you. You always know when someone feels pity for you. It doesn’t happen often. “You’ll watch over Fef, won’t you, Eridan?” she asks you. It makes you feel important when she asks you that. And Feferi looks up at you, smiling the smile that makes you feel ten feet tall. 

“A course I wwill.” And then you close your mouth because you sound stupid. But Feferi slips her hand into yours and maybe it’s not so bad. 

“So after today we will be o- _ fish _ -ly in school.” Feferi loved her fish puns.

You grin at her. “Wwe wwill be  _ perch _ ed on the edge a discovery.” 

She giggles. “And we could totally  _troll_ for more!” 

“You made the fish/troll pun combo! You wwin!” 

Fef giggles again. “I always win! And so do you!” She cuddles you and then  goes to straighten your cape. “I’m sorry I rumpled you.” 

“‘sokay, Fef. I don’t mind.” You wouldn’t mind if she gutted you, as long as she is yours!   
  
The minivan pulled into the parking lot of the school, and you both reluctantly get out  after Mrs. Tangredhi opens the door. She helps Feferi straighten her clothing and makes sure you both have your lunches. 

“Oh, kids. You have no idea how proud I am of the two of you. I just know you’re going to make me even prouder today!”  She hugs Feferi and kisses her cheek, then does the same to you, maybe lingering a little longer, because she knows you have no one to support you. You like both of Feferi’s parents. They let you stay over a lot and you often spend more time at Feferi’s home than at your own. 

It hurts that no one seems to mind that you’re away so much, though. 

The teachers smile and greet the two of you and Feferi grabs your hand and pulls you out to the playground. She’s like a tugboat of sociability, saying hello to everyone, pulling you along in her wake. You don’t say much, and you don’ t smile. You’re shy about your stammer, the other kids are staring at your neck frills and really, you just want to go home. 

==>be Mrs. Tanghredi

You are terribly concerned. Not just for Feferi, though you do worry about her need for water, but also for Eridan. He’s horribly awkward with the other kids. You watch him and worry for his social life. 

“They’ll be fine,” your husband says. “Feferi will help Eridan along and he’ll be doing well in no time.” 

“I hope so. Look at him, Gerold. He’s just so...lonely.” You chew on your thumbnail, your brow furrowing in concern. “I wish the family council would have let us take him. He and Fef get along so well.” 

“I know, but they must have a reason for having him in the place he is. Most of them are trolls, perhaps they know better.” 

“But he’s _miserable!_ ” That can’t possibly be a good thing, even for a troll! 

Gerold sighs and puts his arm around you. “All we can do, we have been doing. When he’s older, he’ll be able to voice his own opinions more, and it will be better for him.” 

You sigh. Till then, though... You watch the boy follow along with Feferi, in the middle of a bunch of troll kids, but not actually a part of them. At least not till one of the other girls pokes Eridan in the shoulder and incites him to chase her. She’s a gangly girl with glasses and a strange eye. His brow furrows for a few moments, but then he grins and gives chase. 

Well, at least they both look happy... 


	4. Sollux Captor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, lookit, lookit! My moirail Stu has made art for me! http://flypupafly.deviantart.com/art/Tavros-Be-five-267118874 isn't it cute?? <3

==>Sollux: be five

You’re glad it’s your Dad bringing you today. 

Dad’s always understood about you, in a way Mom never really has. Not that you doubt that she loves you, of course! But she likes things to be a certain way. And you aren’t that certain way most of the time and so there’s conflict. Even at five years old, you understand this. 

Dad’s the one who takes you to the store for two different colored pairs of shoes and lets you put on two different colored socks. Dad’s the one who lets you play your DS in the car everywhere. Dad’s the one who doesn’t mind that you color two different pictures at the same time and use two crayons simultaneously to write. 

And Dad’s the one who isn’t scared by your visions of the future, so you tell him about them. 

For your mother, you downplay these things about you. It’s not that she doesn’t accept you! It’s just that she gets worried for you! And she does try: she makes two different kinds of sandwiches for your lunch, cuts them in half, and puts the two halves together. She gives you the chocolate/vanilla sandwich cookies you like and encourages you in your use of the computer. She’s the one who taught you to read, and she’s the one who tucks you in at night. 

But you know that there’s the larger part of her that doesn’t understand why you have this obsession with duality, and so you’re glad it’s your father bringing you here today.

“If you feel one of your headaches coming on, be sure to tell someone,” your Dad is telling you worriedly.  “And make sure to be polite to everyone. No snapping at the teachers, all right?” 

“Okay, Dad.” You continue playing with your handheld gaming device.

You have three older brothers, and it isn’t often, really, that you get Dad all to yourself in a car. Usually, it’s all four of you teasing, arguing and laughing in the minivan after sports events or various family outings. You’ve had your fair share of noogies and your fair share of teasing and laughing, too. 

You idolize your oldest brother, who has gone off to college this year for computer science. Your middle two brothers are twins and you envy them, in a way. They’ve always had each other, their own mirror images. 

Though sometimes, you feel as if you are your own twin. Sometimes, you look in the mirror and you aren’t sure if you’re seeing yourself, or someone else. Those feelings, you don’t even tell your dad about. 

But today is a good day. You don’t feel the beginnings of a migraine, you feel calm and even, even if you are nervous. As you pull into the parking lot of the school, you can hear the others playing. 

You’re grateful that you don’t feel a sense of foreboding. 

You dad holds your hand as you cross the parking lot. You peer through your sunglasses (Dad bought two identical pairs in red and blue, and popped one lens out of each to replace it so you could have one eye red and one eye blue, just the way you wanted). You’ve never been around this many other troll kids in your life. Now you’re a little nervous. 

The teachers ask you what your name is. 

“Thollukth Captor.” You couldn’t care less what people think of your lisp, even if it is a pain in the butt to have at times. You grin up at the two teachers. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Sollux. A lot of your classmates are here and I’m sure you don’t know everyone...school will start up in just a few moments, so why don’t you go see who you can meet?” 

You nod and head off to the playground. You notice that there’s a girl who seems to have a lot of people hovering around her, so you go over there. You aren’t feeling shy (today, at least), so you go over and introduce yourself. 

She beams at you. “Hi! I’m Feferi Peixes! It’s nice to meet you. This is Eridan! We’re both seadwellers!” 

Eridan doesn’t look too pleased but that’s okay. Sometimes people just have a bad day. “Hi, Eridan. I’ve never met theadwellerth before. You mutht live near the othean...I athually haven’t ever been there...” 

==>John Thompson: be proud of your son. 

You are ridiculously proud of him. He’s got a lot to deal with, but he very rarely deals with it badly. You stand there with a stupid grin on your face and stare at him: with his double set of horns, his bi-colored eyes, his mismatched shoes and socks and sunglass lenses. He’s five years old, but he acts older most of the time, older until he wakes up with his visions or nightmares and cries in the night for you. 

And then sometimes he’ll tell you and sometimes not, sometimes he’ll just shake with sobs and cling like any other little kid with a nightmare. But he’s a brave kid, you’re proud of him, and you love him. 

You can see that he’s already making friends and you’re glad this is a good day for him. Sometimes, he becomes grumpy and reclusive and that’s usually when he has his visions. It’s sort of awful when that happens, when his skinny little shoulders bow under the weight of what he’s seeing in his head. The troll counselors had told you this might happen, that he would show psychic powers of some sort...something to do with the color of his blood. You just weren’t looking for them as early as they’d started. 

“He sometimes has migraines. I’ll come to get him if he does...” 

“Oh, don’t worry, Mr. Thompson. I’m sure Sollux will be just fine. He seems quite happy. And we have a dark room he can lie down in if the headache starts.” 

You nod, sighing. “I suppose all the parents are worrying this way...” 

“Most of them,” replied the troll teacher good-naturedly. “I’m glad so many of our little grubs have found homes where they are appreciated. I have such high hopes for this group.” 

His teachers sound enthusiastic and that makes you feel better about him being here, not that you felt bad about it, but you dread the next few hours when you won’t know precisely how he’s doing. 

But you’ve felt that way with every one of your children. Sollux really isn’t any different from the rest of them, even if it is obvious that he isn’t your biological offspring. 

“He’ll be all right,” the human teacher says gently. “He’s very social and he seems to be fitting in fine.” 

You sigh again. “I know. I should take off...” You manage to make yourself go in the direction of your minivan.  

Still, it takes about thirty minutes after the kids have all gone inside before you manage to drive home. 


	5. Meowrails

==>Nepeta Lejion: be five

You don’t want to go to school today. You want to stay home with your mom and your cats and go back to sleep in your cuddlepile. You have your kitty cat hat pulled down over your eyes and you sigh sadly. 

“Cheer up, sweetie. The kitties will be there when you come back, I purrrromise,” your mother says, drawing out the ‘purr’ in the kitty pun to make you laugh. 

It doesn’t really work. You are too scared. “Nepeta is a fraidy-cat,” you say, huddling over in the back of the car. 

You are tiny. You’re a tiny little kitty-girl and you don’t know what you’ll do if someone actually talks to you. At all. 

“No,  you are not,” your mother says firmly.  “You are a very brave girl who is going to go to school and have a great time!” 

You whimper and wrap your arms around yourself and hope you won’t throw up. 

After introducing you to your teachers, you are shooed off to the playground with the other trolls.  _ Maybe if I keep to the fence, no one will notice me _ _,_ you think, and you keep your head down and your paws--hands--to yourself and find a corner to hide. Everyone looks like they’re having a nice time. There’s another troll who’s only a little bigger than you are, and he has nubby little horns...he doesn’t look scary but you never know who will hurt a kitty! You wander over to sit on the swings, pull your kitty cat hat down over your eyes again and frown, your lower lip jutting out. 

Before long, another troll comes over to the swings, and sits on the one next to yours. He doesn’t say anything. You hunch down into yourself and try to hide. 

“Excuse me, but are you all right?” 

The voice is the high one of another child, but one who is speaking carefully, weighing every word with the utmost care, sort of like an adult. It’s almost..comforting. 

“Purrfectly fine,” you mumble. You look up. The boy is  _ much _ bigger than you, and he looks very strong. He’s wearing a tank top and shorts with leggings and big shoes. He has two horns that look like arrows. His sunglasses are cracked. 

...and for some reason, he doesn’t scare you in the least. 

“I saw you and I was moved to offer you my friendship,” he says. “I hope I am not being in- in...I hope I am not disturbing you. But I am very STRONG and you are very small and I thought that you might like someone to look after you.” 

“Nepeta  is very scared as she talks back to the strong boy. But she finds that the very strong boy does not furrighten her in the least, and she feels inclined to be looked after by the  _nice_ strong boy.” 

He tilts his head at you. He has very nice, straight hair, and it falls in a flat sheet to the side when he tilts his head.  “Is that a yes?” 

You nod, and smile a little.  “Nepeta would like to know what the very strong boy’s name is, so that she can know who her new special furriend is!” 

“I am Equius.” He twists the swing around to face you. His hair is swinging so temptingly, so you move your swing over to bat at it with your hand playfully, watching it swing back and forth. 

“What are you doing, Nepeta?”  He had an inflection to his voice that was mellow and low. It made Nepeta’s brain feel smooth and calm. Like all the pieces suddenly fit. 

“Nepeta thinks your hair is lovely and swingy and she could not help batting at it to watch it swing.” 

“Oh.” He blinks at you, and smiles crookedly. “I suppose that is...acceptable.”  

For some reason, now you feel much better about school. You feel much better about a lot of things. 

==>Equius: be five

You aren’t quite sure what just happened here. You knew that you were sitting by yourself, a little afraid to go near anyone else because of how freakishly STRONG you are, using the time to think seriously about things. You spend a lot of time thinking seriously about things. Thinking about things and lifting weights--while your human parents are happy about your great strength, it sometimes worries you. You hurt and break things without meaning to. 

The girl takes you by surprise. At the sight of her, your muscles relax and your thoughts, instead of turning towards rage, smooth out and become pleasant. And you’re drawn to her. 

This is exceedingly odd.  But you must investigate. You go over and sit next to her on the swings. She looks even more awkward and lonely than you do, and that’s pretty sad. No one should look that unhappy, especially not her. 

Still, you are cautious. You have never spoken to a female troll before, and she is an especially small one. 

She seems reluctant to speak at first, and you aren’t sure that you’ve done right by disturbing her, but then she warms up to you quickly, though you aren’t certain why she speaks of herself the way she does. She bats at your hair. She uses cat puns. 

Nepeta is altogether strange but it feels natural and normal to hold her hand and walk with her. Her voice makes you feel better, happy and peaceful, which is something you almost never are. 

It’s not because your situation is unhappy. Your parents are attentive and loving. Your homelife is quiet, for the most part, and you are healthy. But you have these...moods, and they stay for a long time. You get angry for stupid things. You know they’re stupid. But it still happens. 

You wonder if Nepeta’s family will let you visit with her often. 

“Nepeta wonders how school will be, because Nepeta is afurraid of meeting other people and maybe they will think Nepeta is a silly kitty.” 

“I will not let anyone ridicule you,” you say quietly, even though the thought of little Nepeta being teased makes you want to react with anger.  “You will sit with me and I shall take care of you.” You don’t know if you can do it--take care of someone. You’re just a little kid. 

She beams up at you. “Nepeta would just like to say thank you to the nice strong boy.” 

You smile back. You can do this. You are making this happen.

For both of you. 


	6. Gamzee Makara

==>Gamzee: be five

You aren’t sure you want to go to school, but you suppose at least it will be something besides the housekeeper as you’re waking up, the housekeeper as you’re getting dressed, the housekeeper as you eat dinner sometimes by yourself, sometimes with your family.  Something besides the family home and the same walls and the same yard and the same  _ everything.    
_   
Mrs. Wang is sitting beside you now, doing her duty by taking you to school. You are sitting, ramrod straight, in clothes that you did not pick out, and that you feel rather uncomfortable in. You would be happier with a t-shirt with your symbol on it. Your dad makes you keep your hair really short and it’s also kind of uncomfortable. You think you just weren’t meant for a crew cut. 

Your father is a very busy man, and he’s done this enough times with his own kids. You always feel guilty when he has to turn you down for things like this. You shouldn’t impose on his time. He called you from Baltimore to tell you he wouldn’t be there. He sounded like he wanted to be there. You can’t be angry about it. 

Mrs. Wang is nice, even if you’d rather have your Dad. When you wake up at near-dusk, she’s the one who makes you breakfast and plays with you. As a result, you know more Chinese than a kid your age usually knows. Sometimes, they ask her to take you places, too. You know Mrs. Wang’s entire family. You sometimes interact with them more than your own. She’s the one who knows that you have trouble sleeping, and she’s usually the one who takes you to the doctor two hours away when you need to go. If you weren’t so confident that your family loved you, you’d probably worry more.  As it is, you worry enough.

You’re the last of the kids to arrive. You hate that. You don’t want anyone to notice you. 

Mrs. Wang walks you up to the teachers, and explains in broken English that your Dad couldn’t be there. The tall troll-teacher comes over to you and smiles and tells you that you should ‘go and play with the other kids’ and that school would start soon. 

You try to always do as you’re told, so you head on over, your hands in the pockets of your khaki pants, trying not to look as nervous as you feel. You notice that just about every other troll kid on the playground is dressed more casually than you are, except for some of the girls. You aren’t sure what to do, having been around other trolls your age very rarely. The only one you recognize, really, is Kanaya. But she’s talking with someone else, so you’d best not disturb her. 

The best default behavior is to be unobtrusive, after all. 

==>Tavros: meet Gamzee

You notice that there’s another troll who’s just arrived and he looks really lonely. Since Aradia has been distracted by the new kid with the red and blue glasses, you decide to go over and make the other boy feel welcome. You hurry over. The other boy is wearing clothes that don’t even have a sign on them! That’s strange to you. All the other troll kids have signs, either on patches on their clothes or on their shirts. You’ve had your symbol on your shirt for as long as you can remember. 

“Hi! I’m Tavros Nitram! Wanna play?” You bounce on your toes, then quickly correct before the weight of your horns tip you over, though it still makes you stumble a bit. 

The other boy smiles shyly and puts his hand out to steady you. “Whoa. Are you okay? You have really big horns!” His eyes go round at the sight of you, tiny boy, biggest horns he’s ever seen, probably! You know you haven’t seen anyone with horns bigger than yours! You think it’s kind of neat, even if it is sometimes annoying. 

“Yeah, I’m fine! I’m used to it. What’s your name?” 

“I’m Gamzee Makara.” The boy shifts nervously and runs a hand through his very short hair. He has nice horns, they’re thin and corkscrew up. 

“That’s a super-cool name, I like it! Come on, I have Fiduspawn cards, we should play!” 

“I...don’t know how to play.” The other boy seems embarrassed by this. 

“You don’t? Oh, it’s so _ cool, _ I’ll teach you how!”  You reach over for his hand and pull him over to play with you. You sit right down on the ground and sit cross legged. He hesitates before sitting down, carefully, across from you. As you explain the game and play with Gamzee, he starts to actually have fun, his expression loosening to a relaxed, easy smile. By the time it’s time to go inside for school, he’s started to beat you. You don’t mind. It’s nice having a playmate besides your mom and dad!

**********   
The playtime session is long, this first day, and it will be shorter from now on. The teachers know that the troll kids have largely not met each other, even though they live in the same town, and are using this time to get them all acquainted with each other. By the time they call school to session, it is nearly full dark, and the kids are more than ready to settle down for their first day of school. 


	7. Who's Got the Button

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's where the kids really start to interact...not always with great success.

==>Be Teacher Molaam

This is not your first time in a human schoolfeeding classroom, but this is your first entirely new class of trolls. You are grateful to have kept your job as schoolfeeder, and grateful to the human teacher, who, though still young, has done this a few times before with humans. You’ve learned how to structure the days more like a human would, but with some concessions to troll culture.

You’ve played a strange human ‘getting to know you’ game, called “Button, Button, Who’s Got The Button” and you have to admit that “button” has a better rhythm than “circular clothing fastener”. And it did have the intended effect, of helping the children get to know the names of their class mates.

Now, you stand in front of all the troll children and ask, “Now, who here knows the English alphabet?”

Nearly every hand went up, which does not surprise you, from what you’ve seen, troll children tend to do better academically in the early years than most of their human counterparts. “Who knows the Alternian alphabet?” More hands go down, a bit shamefully, but since humans are raising them, it would be difficult to teach them a language that humans do not know and largely cannot speak. But still, it’s better than you thought it’d be. “Who here can read? Who here can write their name?”

Most of the children can at least write the English alphabet and this is encouraging. And now, you have a theory of your own to test. You take several tubs of multicolored crayons (having made sure black, grey, and white were removed) and distribute them across the two tables of children, along with paper. She wanted to see if they would choose to write in colors based on their place in the hemospectrum without being prompted.

“Choose any color you like to start practicing the alphabets. Miss Price and I will be around to each one of you to help you write your names in both English and Alternian if you need it.”

==>Karkat: Meet Sollux

Okay, so school was sort of all right. There were a lot of other trolls and even a troll teacher, which is cool. And you’re sitting across from Kanaya, which is also nice. But there are new kids to meet and you sort of hate meeting people. You always feel as if they’re judging you.

The boy beside you has a red crayon and a blue crayon in one fist, and he’s writing his name with shaky letters in two colors at the same time. ‘

SOLLUX CAPTOR

“What the f-- I mean, what are you doing?” you ask, automatically censoring yourself.

“It lookth better thith way,” the boy answers. He looks up with his two-toned glasses.

You shrug. “I just wanna pencil.” You can use red (or any other color) but you don’t want to, it’s all so...glaring and obvious. “They don’t have gray crayons.”

Almost before you know it, the troll teacher is presenting him with a thick Ticonderoga pencil. You smile, one of the only times you’ve smiled all day, even if it hasn’t been a bad day at all. You write carefully in allcaps: KARKAT VANTAS. You have very neat handwriting, you’ve been practicing for weeks.

“That’th really good,” the other boy said. “You can already read too, can’t you?”

Immediately, you go on the defensive, hunching over your shoulders. “Yeah, I can. So?”

“Jeeth, don’t get your underthingth in a twitht,” he mutters. “I wath jutht thaying...”

Well, now you feel stupid and kinda bad for reacting that way. You mutter under your breath, something that sounds like curse words, and then, a bit louder, you say, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be all weird.”

Sollux shrugs. “It’th okay,” he says, and goes back to his name practice.

You guess you might have made a friend, because he involves you in playtime and doesn’t mind when you settle beside him and Aradia during naptime.

(You don’t nap during naptime, and neither does Sollux, who pointedly keeps his eyes open behind his red and blue sunglasses. Maybe you both have bad dreams.)

==>Tavros: Meet Vriska

You are just trying to play on the swings but there’s this girl who keeps annoying you, coming up beside you and leaning over you against your horns. “Hey, would you, you know, stop that?” You could flick her off pretty easily but you don’t want to hurt her. Dad says you should never hurt girls!

She pushes off your horn again, and sits down on the swing next to yours. “Your horns are awwwwwwwwfully big!”

You hunch over your shoulders. “I know, but...”

“What? it’s not bad or anything they’re just...big! I’ve never seen a troll with horns that big--even grownup trolls!”

You look over at her. Her left eye is weird. Really weird. “Um, uh...what happened with your eye?”

“Nothing!” she says indignantly. “I just have vision eightfold. Which means I can see right through your _skull!”_

She peers at you, as if to prove it, and you cover your head with your hands and arms--as much as you can with your immense horns. “Nuh-uh you can’t!” At least, you don’t _think_ she can...

“Sure I can! I can see right into your think-pan, I can, I can!” She laughs. “Know what else I can see?”

She seems like a liar to you, but despite that, you ask, “What?”

“I can see what you’re _thinking_ ,” she says, and she leans forward and says it so convincingly that you believe her.

Almost.

“Um. I’m going to, you know, go away, and play somewhere else.” You hope you didn’t hurt her feelings but she’s really scaring you a little bit and if she can see what you’re thinking she’d know that.

By the way she’s laughing after you on the swings, you wonder if maybe she _can..._

==>Aradia: meet Equius

The boy sitting at the end of the other table keeps leaning his chair into yours. It wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t do it so _hard!_

Her dad had told her that she should be polite and try to make friends but this was really really annoying! “Excuse me, but could you please stop that? You’re making me make my letters all wobbly!”

The boy turns around. “It wouldn’t be a problem if you wouldn’t sit so close!”

Your eyes widen. You can’t believe he’s turning this around on you! “It’s not my fault, the tables are too close together! Stop leaning back!”

Miss Price has noticed your little altercation, and has come over to the two of you. “What seems to be the trouble?” Of course, you both start talking at once and then she stops you talking, asking each of you questions and sorting out feelings.

Her solution is to spread the tables out more. Equius frowns and mutters something that makes the Teacher Molaam motion abruptly for Equius to come to her. They talk out of earshot, and it troubles you. You wonder why Teacher Molaam looks so upset.

He doesn’t look at you when he returns to his seat, flushed a bit blue in the cheeks. The little girl beside him looks at him with a furrowed brow and pats him. The teachers are talking in concerned voices and you wonder what is going on.

Equius is hunched over and does not speak for the rest of the day. You feel obscurely bad about that. You try to go over when class is dismissed to apologize or something but he doesn’t even acknowledge you exist, and turns away from you when you try to speak.

Sollux stands next to you as you’re waiting for your parents to pick you up and he does stuff, like speak in funny voices, to make you laugh and feel better, so by the time your Dad comes to get you, you’re happy again.

More or less.

You’re afraid to ask anyone what “rustblood” means. It must be very bad for Teacher to look so upset...


	8. Pose As A Team, Cos Shit Just Got Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School picture time!

==>Be Miss Price

Sometimes, you think that getting five-year-olds to sit in one place is tantamount to trying to herd cats. And that isn’t even taking into account accidental bumps with horns and scratches with claws. And the fact that some of the children didn’t like each other for no discernable reason you could see. 

“Try to stay still, Tavros.” Heaven knew those horns of his were the main offenders in a lot of bruised heads. The fact that Tavros felt awful every time his horns hurt anyone made things that much worse. 

“Eridan, watch your horns...don’t tip your head back!” Sometimes, you wonder if Eridan does that on purpose. You try to keep the irritation out of your voice. “Gamzee, do you think you could sit beside Tavros...carefully?” Oh, the last thing you need is for the Senator’s son to get injured in your classroom! 

Teacher Molaam had been standing by, watching the proceedings carefully. “Miss Price, if I may suggest...perhaps Mr. Nitram could sit on the floor in front of his friend Mr. Makara. Bumped knees heal faster than eyes.” 

You look back at the group. “Good idea.” 

Finally, with Tavros sitting cross-legged on the floor and holding a small sign that read in both English and Alternian “Leonardo School Night Kindergarten Class One/Miss Evelyn Price, Teacher Molaam”, you are able to have the photographer  _finally_ take the picture. 

Well, eventually. Once you got Eridan to stop flicking the back of Sollux’s head (“Hands to yourself, Mr. Ampora.”), once you get Vriska to stop putting her foot on Tavros’ horn, once you get Equius’ face dry enough not to cause a glare, and once you get Karkat to _ smile for once, please...   
_   
You do feel very, very proud of them anyway. 

==>Be Teacher Molaam

You are very proud of them too, but you have worries. 

Though academically, the troll children have been excelling, socially, you have begun seeing very disturbing trends, a shaky division between high-, mid-, and low-blooded trolls. It worries you because the great experiment here on this planet was not to inform the children of the hemospectrum, to see if perhaps they could change troll culture just enough to make everyone more equal. 

At least, that’s what you thought it was. When Equius came out with the ‘rust blood’ slur, you weren’t sure what to make of it, and Equius was so pitifully embarrassed that you did not have it in your blood-pusher to drag where he’d heard that out of him. But he was only one of your worries. Eridan worried you, as well, especially as one of the highest-blooded trolls in your class. 

The differences in treatment between trolls of vastly different blood caste are subtle, but they’re there. Though Feferi seems to be hemospectrum-blind, Eridan has a definite preference in socializing with anyone teal-blooded and above. Equius, while having a good playmate in Nepeta, is treating the lower-blooded trolls like second-class citizens. You call him on it subtly if you can, but it still happens. 

There are other problems, too. Miss Serket, while not really caring about blood color, was bossing the little Nitram boy to no end, though there doesn’t seem to be any real animosity between them. But you worry about Miss Serket and you wonder how her home life is. 

It doesn’t help anything that genetically, lower-blooded trolls are predisposed to submit to higher-blooded trolls. You yourself have trouble sometimes, disciplining the high-blooded trolls when they got out of line. It just doesn’t feel... _ right _ to do so. 

The whole situation makes you uneasy. The humans know of the hemospectrum and several families have had trouble with it, but they did not know of the extent to which Alternian society had revolved around it. They _couldn’t_ know. And you are not permitted to really discuss it with them. This also worries you. As a yellow-blooded troll, your gift has always been your far-sightedness. 

You especially worry for Miss Megido and Mr. Nitram, and Mr. Vantas, the one who wanted the pencil to write with instead of choosing his blood color. Someone had told him to worry about it, and you wished you knew who had done so. Sollux was a bit of a worry as well, but only because of his lisp and the way the boy sometimes retreated into himself. Otherwise, the child had enough charisma to gain a lot of friends across the hemospectrum. 

Miss Price comes over to you. She is young, though she has been a teacher for ten years already, and still enthusiastic, even after a month of teaching the class. She has odd, curly red hair and green eyes, milk-white skin with strange brownish dots scattered here and there. You find her appearance strange but pleasant. 

She smiles as she watches the children working on their mathematics. “They’re working so diligently...so  _ focused. ”    
_   
You can’t help but smile as well. You can tell she is proud of them. “Yes,” you say quietly, “They are very good children. How do you think they are coming along socially? I would know your thoughts on the matter.” 

“Well, they are certainly much more rough-and-tumble than human children! I’ve never seen so much rough play!” She chuckles. She couldn’t have known before how violent even troll  children could be when they play together. “But they’re such good sports about everything. No real whining when they get hurt, and they don’t cry for long. Though I’m definitely not used to seeing the girls play as rough as the boys.” 

You wonder what that has to do with anything. 

“I do wonder, though, because though they all seem to get along for the most part, there seems to be some sort of...deference to certain children. It does not make sense to me. I can understand it in the case of Feferi, since she is a member of royalty, and she is just the sweetest thing, but the others...” The woman shrugged, a delicate roll of her shoulders. “It’s almost as if the other children are afraid sometimes.” 

You worry your lower lip with your teeth and nod. “I shall keep an eye on developments. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.” 

This worries you greatly, and you are not at all certain of what to do. 

==>Be Eridan Ampora

You are glad Feferi lives so close to you, practically next door, if you swim it. When your foster family tells you to clear out for a while, you always have somewhere to go. 

“Eridan!” Fef runs over to you when you come to visit and hugs you. It makes you feel warm and happy.  “Come into the water,” she says. “We have more jellies and cuttlefish visiting!” 

Of course she does. The sea creatures are drawn to her, and you can’t blame them.  

She’s almost always in a bathing suit, and her family lives on a houseboat. The water is starting to get cold, not that it matters to either one of you. You jump into the water with Fef. 

You are still very young, but you already know that you’ll love Fef till the day you die. She’s the most beautiful creature you’ve ever seen, below or above the water. It’s no wonder everyone loves her, even in school. It hurts sometimes that you only follow in her wake, that she doesn’t pull you alongside her and tug her at her side. You try not to let it bother you, because when you’re not in school, it’s just the two of you. 

Just the way it  _should_ be. 

You have always found it difficult to share. 

She swims with the little sea creatures and they tease and play with her, and by extension, you. The things that humans have to watch out for, that will hurt them, don’t bother either one of you, so you can let the jellyfish wrap themselves around your arm, but mostly the cuttlefish like to swim and hide in Fef’s hair, vying for her favor.  They might not be on Alternia, but the sea creatures seem to know that she commands them. 

You love to watch her laugh. 

The two of you eventually settle into a game of underwater tag. You’re different in the water. Even Feferi knows it. For one thing, you laugh and smile. 

It’s harder to do that out of the water. 

==>Be Feferi Peixes

It’s _so_ nice being with Eridan! You’ve known each other since you were just little wrigglers, and you feel more comfortable with him than with anyone else, even if being in school is  reely fun! Everyone is very nice at school and even Eridan is making friends, even if that girl Vriska is a little strange to you. 

You reach out with your hand and tap Eridan’s foot.  “Glub! You’re it!” 

You hear him laugh and he spins around to chase you. You giggle and swim away as fast as you can, which is pretty fast! The cuttlefish and jellies try to match your speed. 

You hate being out of the water. You feel so heavy, so clumsy and slow, but you think it’s worth it, to go to school and meet new people! 

You have been told that you are the heiress to the throne of the Empress of Alternia, but that doesn’t mean much to you, really. Most of the time, the thought of it scares you a little. Sometimes, your parents take you and Eridan to special events where there are adult trolls and it is very, very strange to have fully grown trolls bow to  _you_. It frightens you, and you hide your face in your mother’s skirts and cling to Eridan’s hand. Eridan will always whisper to you that you don’t have to be afraid, but you are anyway. You always feel as if you are wilting under the weight of  _expectation._

It’s another reason you like to remain underwater. 

Eridan has grabbed your ankle to tag you out, but you keep swimming anyway, laughing. 

“Just a minnow, Fef! Sloww dowwn!” 

You do better than that, changing direction abruptly to plow into him with a big hug. It makes him glub and laugh again. You can feel the way his gills shudder when he giggles. You tackle him right to the bottom of the ocean. You tickle him because Eridan’s laugh is the best thing in the world, and it always makes you feel better. 

When you stop tickling him, he cuddles you as you both calm down, tiny giggles still escaping every so often. “Did you want to glub about something, Eridan?” 

He pauses and then he says, “I forgot. Don’t wworry about it, Fef.” 

==>Be Eridan again. 

You smell like seawater as you trudge home, and you probably have seaweed in your hair, which means a bath tonight. But despite the niggling worries you have about Fef and that Sollux kid at school, you feel good. Being with Fef always makes you feel good, and happy. You know that Fef needs  you, and that makes you feel important. 

Your family isn’t home yet from where ever they are that is more important than letting you in the house, so you sit outside on the curb. They’re usually home by now, but you don’t care. You’ll go back to Fef’s if you need to. They always seem pleased to see you, no matter when you show up. 

“Greetings, Eridan.” 

The troll who has spoken is actually a neighbor of yours. He’s nice to you, almost as nice as Fef’s family is. 

“Hi!” You can’t help smiling. He’s one of the only grown-up trolls you know, and his attention makes you feel as if you matter in the world. He sits beside you and picks a strand of seaweed off from around one of your horns. 

“Swimming with Miss Peixes again, I see.” 

You nod. “She invited me over. We were playing with the fish.” 

“A delightful girl. She will make a grand Empress someday.” 

You grin dreamily and look out over the night-dark water. You can see it, see her as Empress. She will be kind to  _everyone_. She will give orders with soft giggles. Everyone will adore her as much as you do. 

They will, because you will  _ make _ them adore her. 

Even if you do have to share her. The thought troubles you and though you try not to let it, it still shows on your face. 

The older troll pats you on your shoulder. “Don’t worry, lad. The two of you are destined. You’ve got to be strong. Make sure her head isn’t turned too much by the low-bloods.” 

You chew on your lip a little. You’ve seen a slight yellow tinge to that Sollux kid’s cheeks...

“I know you’re going to that human school-feeding place. So you be good and polite at school, but be wary, too.” 

You look at him seriously and nod. You would do  _ anything _ for Feferi. Anything at all. 

He tousles your hair. “You do your ancestor proud, Eridan Ampora.” 

“Really?” You want so desperately to do things  _ right.  _

The troll grins at you and tells you stories of your ancestors until your family comes home and lets you in the house. 

You don’t mind taking your bath that morning, or going to bed. You are going to school, you will be polite and wary, and you and Fef will be together _ forever.  _


	9. Gamzee and Tavros: Go to the Circus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gamzee and Tavros go to the circus: just what it says on the label. Warning: extremely cute stuff ahead. 
> 
> And also troll clowns.

==>Be Gamzee Makara  
  
You are watching from the front porch of your house with Mrs. Wang standing beside you. You are very excited, because your new friend Tavros is coming with his mother to take you to the circus and spend the weekend with them. You have never been over to a friend's house to sleep over before!  
  
It had been a very exciting Friday night to begin with. After you got home from school, your mother took you aside and gave you t-shirts with your symbol on them! She had noticed, when she had occasion to bring you to school, how much more casually the other kids dressed, and noticed how badly you stuck out. She'd let you know that she'd ordered things with your symbol on them, and you had been so excited and now they were finally here!  
  
Your mother sometimes looks at you like she doesn't know what to do with you, but you know that she loves you anyway because she tells you so every day. She'd said, “Your father and I thought you'd be more comfortable this way when you went to school.” You'd beamed as you wriggled into them, and for once, your shirt didn't catch on your horns, for once the fabric felt cool on your skin, for once you didn't feel so  tense.  
  
You had hugged her hard, and after a startled moment, she hugged back, and you could see her smile. “I'm glad it's made you so happy, sweetheart.” She sounded happy too as she tentatively stroked your hair, now growing out after the last crew cut. (You hope it'll be the last one.) You finally feel... right.  
  
So now, today is even more special, because Tavros hasn't seen your symbol yet, and you'll get to wear it all weekend long.  
  
You hop up and down the front stairs as Mrs. Wang rocks in the chair on the front porch, smiling at you benevolently. She usually lets you do what you want, as long as you're not hurting anything. (You usually don't.) “Be sure to thank Mrs. Penny for bringing you to stay,” she says in her broken accent, “and please be polite.”  
  
“ Okay, I will, I promise.” You hop some more, a little impatient to get going on this weekend, and then you see the green minivan coming up the driveway. Mrs. Wang rose from her seat and put a gentle hand on your shoulder and you still, even though inside you are  still bouncing.  
  
Tavros waves from inside the minivan, but the harness for his horns prevents him from coming out and saying hi. Tavros' mom, Mrs. Penny, comes out to open the sliding side door as Mrs. Wang led you to meet her. “Hello, I am Mrs. Wang, the house-keeper. Gamzee's mother is out for the weekend with the Senator and she sends regrets that she could not be here to greet you.”  
  
But Mrs. Penny just smiles anyway. “Oh, I know what it's like, sometimes a person just needs to get away for a solo weekend! You can call me Alice. It's nice to meet you.” She turns her bright smile on you. “Hello, Gamzee! What a handsome shirt you're wearing. I just love that color! Are you excited for the circus?”  
  
You can't say anything, so you just nod, smiling shyly. Mrs. Penny is just so pleasant and kind, and she's very pretty for a human, even if she has strange yellow hair and blue eyes. Mrs. Wang taps you on the shoulder gently, and you find your voice again and remember your manners. “Thank you for inviting me.”  
  
She pats you on the head and gestures for you to get in beside Tavros. “We will have him home by dawn on Monday for sleeping,” Mrs. Penny tells the house-keeper.  
  
“ Very well. Be good, Gamzee,” Mrs. Wang says, waving at you. You wave back, grinning as Mrs. Penny puts your bag in the van beside you, and you're off.  
  
“ I like your symbol,” Tavros says, grinning at you. “It's really cool! Will you get to wear it all the time now?”  
  
“ Yeah, I think so. Mom said she’s glad it makes me happy!” It's one of the only times that you can remember she's done something  just to make you happy and it makes you feel warm inside. Like you  belong.  
  
(Though that's a strange thought...they're your family, so by definition you belong there, right?)  
  
“ Have you got your sunglasses, Gamzee? By the time the circus is over, it's going to be almost daylight.”  
  
“ Yep! I've got 'em. Mrs. Wang always makes sure I have them all the time.” Which is good, because you forget them a lot!  
  
“ She's a nice lady,” Tavros says. Tavros thinks most people are nice, and says so. You like that about him.  
  
“ She takes care of me, and sometimes I get to go over to her house and be with her family too. They're teaching me Chinese!” You already know a few words. You think it's impressive that Mrs. Wang knows both Chinese and English. You look forward to learning Alternian, but they won't start that until next year.  
  
“ Can you say something in it?” Tavros is looking at you eagerly. It's neat the way he likes to learn so much.  
  
“ Well,  ni hao is how you say 'hello'!”  
  
Tavros repeats after you carefully, and you correct some tiny flaws in his pronunciation before telling him how to say  thank you and  you're welcome and a couple other things before you get to the circus.  
  
You and Tavros hold hands and Tavros' mom guides you from behind with a hand on each of your shoulders. You've never seen a tent so large! Mrs. Penny calls it “the Big Top” and you definitely can see why, and it's a good thing she's guiding you, because neither of you are doing much more than looking all around you at all the unfamiliar things, smelling the smells, and shivering in the autumn chill. Mrs. Penny buys you a coke and popcorn and then leads you into the big top to find seats.  
  
There aren't very many people there; after all, this is a performance that is geared towards trolls, and there aren't really that many trolls in this particular area of the country. But you can see half of your classmates there and a few juvenile and adult trolls that you've never met before.  
  
Tonight, though, you are only interested in Tavros and his mom. Tavros' dad works during the day and is asleep now, you'll be getting home as he's heading to work. You have never met his father before and you hope he likes you as much as his mom seems to.  
  
But then the circus starts and you aren't currently thinking of anything but how this is completely  blowing your mind.  
  
Tavros' mom says that they used to use animals in circuses, but that there was so much abuse, they stopped. You don't miss them, of course, since you'd never been to the circus before, and the tumblers and acrobats and trapeze artists and the clowns—man, the clowns! You love how spooky-great the makeup is. They make you and Tavros laugh. And there are even  troll clowns as well!  
  
By the time the circus is over, you are convinced that you are going to be the  best clown ever when you grow up, and Tavros has decided to accompany you when you run away to the circus: “But we should wait, you know, till we can drive. You, um, have to be able to drive to run away from home.”  
  
Mrs. Penny seems delighted (but then, she  always seems delighted) that you had such a good time. “I'm so glad you like the clowns because there's a surprise for you two.” It's already very near dawn, the darkness in the East beginning to lighten, and you can't imagine what the surprise would be.  
  
What it turns out to be is that she's arranged for you to meet the troll clowns and get your faces painted. The trolls are delighted to see you and Tavros. “It's nice to see the new generation!” the bow-horned one says happily. Her companion, a large male troll with smaller, pointed horns grins at you. “With any luck, maybe there will be even more trolls next year!”  
  
You ask all sorts of questions about how to become a clown, and you learn that there are schools for such things, like acting schools, there are things to learn like pratfalls and pantomime, juggling and all sorts of physical comedy.  
  
The female troll takes care of Tavros, painting his face in fanciful swirls of color, and Tavros giggles at the brush strokes over his skin. The other troll tilts his head. “You're colorful enough without the makeup...how about just white, and we'll let your skin show through.” You nod, that sounds good to you!  
  
When you're done, Mrs. Penny beams and says, “Oh, I want pictures,” and motions for the two of you to get closer together. You sling an arm around Tavros and you smile for the picture.  
  
“ I'm going to send one of these to your mother, Gamzee. You guys look great!” She bends over to look into your face and presses her finger gently to your nose, smiling at you.  
  
You can feel your face flush beneath the face paint and your blood-pusher does this  thump . You are in  love .  
  
On the way home, Mrs. Penny adjusts the tint of the back windows of the minivan so that it blocks most of the early morning sunlight, and you both have your sunglasses on. The two of you are sleepy and yawning, but happy. Tavros' mom looks exhausted but happy as well, though you think she looks a bit more pale than normal. (It's hard to tell with humans! Their skin comes in so many colors and shades...)  
  
You're dozing off in the back seat, your head leaning against Tavros, and you can hear Mrs. Penny talking quietly on the hands-free cellphone device to her husband. The heat is on, and the movement of the car lulls you to sleep.  
  
==>Be Alice Penny  
  
“ I wish you'd have been there,” you tell George. “The boys were so excited and sweet. They had so much fun tonight!”  
  
“ That's great, honey. Are you sure you're okay? I could have taken them tonight, you know.”  
  
You smile. He worries too much. “I'm fine, dear. You know I wouldn't have missed this for the world.”  
  
“ Maybe it's not good for you to be staying up all night in your condition...”  
  
You bite your lip but you haven't stopped smiling yet. You can't help it, you're the happiest you've been in your life. “Honey, I'm only two months along, and I feel fine. I promise, I haven't done anything too strenuous.” Your heart thumps in your chest. You haven't yet told Tavros that he's going to become a big brother, and you are nervous as to how he'll take the news. You adopted Tavros when you were so young, and weren't sure that you were going to have children at all. You want him not to worry about his place in the family or worry that you won't love him as much anymore. You want him to feel included, and help out with the baby.  
  
George sighs over the phone. “I know. I'm just worrying too much. Are you going to be home soon?”  
  
“ Yes. I'm on the road now. The boys are dozing off in the back seat. I promise that I'll sleep while they're sleeping today.”  
  
“ You'd better. You know I need my little mad girl.”  
  
“ Stop making  Alice in Wonderland references, you'll make me run off the road,” you say, laughing.  
  
“ But you know all the best people are mad...”  
  
“ ...George...”  
  
“ Maybe I should put a sign somewhere on me next time...”  
  
“ ...don't even go there...”  
  
“ You know,” he says, “Something like 'Eat--'”  
  
“ George Herbert Penny, don't you  even finish that thought.” Your face is bright red, but your grin is huge. He's a silly, silly man.  
  
“ Okay, okay, spoilsport. I'll see you home.”  
  
“ See you home. Bye.” You hang up, then glance in the rearview mirror to see the boys curled up asleep in the back of the car.  
  
You take a deep breath and murmur. “Okay, baby, let's get these boys home.”  
  
  
==>Be Tavros Nitram.  
  
You have had the best night of your life and you are exhausted. You don't wake up till your mom pulls into the driveway of your house, and Dad opens up the side door and takes you out of the minivan while Mom manages to wake Gamzee.  
  
“ Hey, sport. Great facepaint,” he says, hugging you and bringing you into the house. “Mom says you guys had a great time.”  
  
“ Oh, yes! And I think Gamzee really liked the clowns a lot! We're going to join the circus when we get old enough.”  
  
“ Oh well, whew! I'm glad you've made your decision about your life's work so early, now I can stop worrying,” his father said, laughing.  
  
You laugh too because your Dad is really silly! And also because it feels good to be with him before he goes to work. He holds an umbrella over your head to shield you from the early morning sunshine as you go into the house, which has all the shades drawn and is dimly lit.  
  
Your mother is leading Gamzee into the house with an arm around his shoulders, and he is yawning. “I think these boys need to go to bed as soon as possible,” she says.  
  
Gamzee grins up at your mother, but he is too sleepy to really talk. “Probably,” you say, grinning over at Gamzee.  
  
Your parents help you set up the sleeping bags on the floor of your room. Your mother thought for a long time about how to have you sleep on the floor with your big horns, and finally just made a sort of platform out of foam rubber with a ledge for you to allow for sleeping with your horns.  
  
And after washing the paint off your faces and brushing your teeth, they tuck the two of you in. Once the door is closed and you are together in the dim light, Gamzee lifts his head to look at you. “This was the best night ever, Tav.” He grins at you, his eyes sleepy and half-lidded.  
  
“ Yeah. And we've still got more nights to this weekend before you have to go home!” You feel ridiculously happy that he's here, and that he's happy.  
  
He sighs. “Yeah...”  
  
And then he's asleep.  
  
Before you know it, you are too.  
  
==>Gamzee: Wake up.  
  
You have had awesome dreams, and now it is time to wake up. It's strange to wake up on the floor, with the ceiling much higher up than you're used to. Tavros is still curled up on the floor like a kitten, his chubby cheek resting on his arm. It makes you feel warm and happy to see him. Tinkerbull is curled up in between the two of you, sleeping contently as well.  
  
You've never really seen a lusus up close before, because not very many trolls had them! He's so white! And way smaller than you expected a lusus to be, but then the large ones all died on the way from Alternia. That makes you feel a little sad sometimes, because whoever your lusus was meant to be, he'd never made it to Earth, and you never got to meet him.  
  
Tinkerbull's eyes open and he looks at you, steady, blinking slowly. You get the feeling that he's judging you, so you don't look away. Finally, he comes over to you and licks your nose. You giggle and he headbutts your shoulder very gently before heading over to nudge his charge awake.  
  
Tavros giggles and wakes up, sitting up carefully. You wonder if he ever gets tired of his horns sticking out like that. “Hi, Gamzee! We should go see if breakfast is ready, are you hungry?” His stomach growls and he giggles again.   
  
“Well, it sounds like you’re hungry, anyway...” You get up and help Tavros up. He’s clumsy and wobbly with his big horns--you seriously do worry and you hope he’ll grow into them.   
  
The two of you head to the kitchen, but instead of Tav’s mom, it’s his dad who’s in the kitchen. Evidently, this is a surprised to Tavros as well, since he exclaims “Dad!” and rushes to hug him.   
  
“Whoa, big fella,” he says, hugging Tavros back. “Breakfast is almost ready. Try and keep it down, because your mother is still sleeping. She was very tired so I came back home to help.”   
  
What you are thinking is that Mr. Penny looks worried, but you don’t say that, because Tavros looks a little worried, too. You both sit at the table and you both swing your legs the same way. Tavros tries to look unconcerned but you can tell that he’s worried.   
  
“I figured that when the moon comes up a little more, I’ll set up the telescope and we can go and look at the it and the stars.”   
  
“I’ve never looked through a telescope before. That would be pretty neat!” You have led a fairly sheltered life, and sometimes you wonder what it would be like to be a little more...free. Less in the public eye.   
  
“Well, Gamzee, I hope it will be a treat for you, then.”   
  
==>Tavros:  sneak away and check on Mommy  
  
You know Daddy said she was okay, but still. You can hardly remember a night where she wasn’t the first person you saw when you woke up, and it gives you a weird feeling. So you quietly push the door open and tiptoe inside, trying not to wake her up. She really does look tired, and you worry so.   
  
Sometimes, your dreams are very bad ones, and sometimes you dream that Mommy and Daddy are gone and you can’t find them, and Tinkerbull is gone, and there’s no one but you in a strange little house all alone and you can’t walk or move or anything! And sometimes you dream of terrifying dark creatures who come to your house and hurt your parents and hurt you and there isn’t a thing you can do about it! And they scare you  so  much, and sometimes when it’s still light out when you wake up, you lie there and try to calm down and try to remember that that dream-house isn’t your real-house and then Tinkerbull flutters down to check on you and you know everything will be okay.   
  
But right now, you aren’t dreaming, and you wonder if Mommy really will be all right.  You pull the covers gently over her shoulders so that she will be warm, and she stirs. “Tavros honey?”  
  
You bite your lip, tiny sharp teeth pressing in. “Hi, Mommy. ‘M sorry I woke you up. I just...wanted to see you.”    
  
“It’s okay, baby.” She yawns and reaches out to ruffle your hair. “I’m all right, just a little tired out from our adventure yesterday. Did Daddy give you and Gamzee breakfast already?”   
  
You nod. “Eggs and bacon.”   
  
“Good. Tell you what. Let Mommy sleep just a little while longer, and I’ll read to you and Gamzee later tonight.”   
  
You smile. Now you know that Mommy is okay, plus, she’s going to read to you which is your favorite thing in all the world. “Okay.” Careful of your horns, you lean over to kiss her cheek. “G’night, Mommy.”   
  
When you go back out into the den, Gamzee and your Dad are building a fort with couch cushions, kitchen chairs, and blankets. “How’s Mommy?” your father asks you, and you blush brown.   
  
“Um...Um, I didn’t mean...” You tug at the hem of your shirt awkwardly.   
  
“It’s okay, Tav. Now, come on in, we’re going to sit in our blanket fort and tell stories.”   
  
“Okay!”   
  
==>Be Gamzee again.   
  
Being with Tavros’ family is really quite different. You recognize, of course, that they have different jobs and a different lifestyle, and that your family’s style isn’t bad, it’s just  different.  
  
Still, you come away from a session of stargazing with Tavros’ dad feeling as if you belong here in a way that you don’t quite belong at home. Everyone here is just so... interested . Interested in you, interested in nature, science, books...there’s a lot of imagination here.   
  
And it isn’t that your parents aren’t interested! It’s more like...Tavros’ parents are so new. He’s the only kid. You have six step siblings that you’ve only seen a handful of times, and who aren’t...well, they’re not precisely accepting of you. You can tell they regard you as strange. And your mom and dad are very busy people, so it isn’t fair of you to do comparisons, really...  
  
By the time Tavros’ mom is finishing up  Peter Pan , you are fighting to stay awake, however. You usually do not stay up quite this late, and it’s the second late night in a row, and you’ve been playing all night long! Before you know it, Tavros has his head on your shoulder and he’s drowsy too, and before much  later, you feel Tavros’ Dad lift him up off of your shoulder and carry him off to bed.   
  
Mrs. Penny extends a hand to you and helps you off the floor. “It’s been very nice to have you here, Gamzee,” she says, putting an arm around you and steering your sleepy self to Tav’s room. “Did you have a nice time?”   
  
She smells nice, like soap and flowers or something, and she’s so pretty... “Yeah, I really did.” And then you remember your manners. “Thank you, Mrs. Penny...”   
  
“I hope you’ll come back often,” she says, smiling. “Tavros really enjoyed having you over here, and it was nice for us, too.”   
  
You don’t know what to say to that, and you just know your face has flushed purple. But Tavros’ parents tuck the two of you into your sleeping bags on the floor and say good night to you, and Tinkerbull settles in between the two of you, and the last thing you see before drifting off to sleep is Tinkerbull keeping a watchful eye on the door.   
  
==>Be Alice Penny  
  
The boys are asleep and you are going back to sleep soon as well, but right now, George and you are sitting and relaxing on the couch (after having replaced the cushions from the fort beforehand).   
  
“We’re not going to be able to keep secrets from him for long,” he says. “You know how perceptive he is. He knows something’s not right.”   
  
“I know.” You sigh. “The story’s almost done. Then we’ll sit down and tell him.” You lean your head on his shoulder. “I’m worried about how he’ll take it. It’s such a big year for changes...”   
  
“But he’s a strong kid and he knows we love him. It’s going to be all right, and you know he’ll be a great big brother.”   
  
You know this, but it doesn’t stop you from worrying. You sigh and smooth your hand over your belly, still mostly flat but beginning to round out with baby. “I know you’re right and I know I can’t wait much longer. I’m already starting to show.”   
  
“Plus, he’s going to figure out something’s going on by the way you keep getting all glow-y.”   
  
You blush and slap his arm lightly. “Oh, stop you.”  
  
He chuckles and cuddles you close, and you doze on his shoulder, putting aside your worries for now.   
  
==>Be Gamzee Makara, and go home.   
  
You kind of don’t want to, even though you do want to see your dad and mom and Mrs. Wang again. It was just so nice to be around Tavros and his family. It was nice to just be around another troll kid, like you.   
  
You feel sort of guilty for enjoying it there so much. You know your parents love you!   
  
But Tavros is holding your hand. Neither of you are saying much, because you’ve pretty much talked yourselves out, but he’s just holding your hand and you realize how alone you feel being the only troll in your family.   
  
As the minivan pulls into the driveway, you spy Mrs. Wang waiting for you and waving and you’re glad it’s her waiting for you. She never tells you to calm down when you’re excited or to wait to tell your news until you’ve nearly forgotten it. You have so much to tell her!   
  
Though you will really, really try to wait till Mrs. Penny and Tavros have left.   
  
When the minivan stops, Tavros squeezes your hand. “I had lots of fun with you, Gamzee! You’re gonna have to come over more.”   
  
You nod. “I hope so!” You feel more like...yourself than you ever have before.   
  
When you’ve said good-bye to Tavros and Mrs. Penny, you run to Mrs. Wang and hug her hard, and she laughs. “Well, now, and did you have a good time, little one?”   
  
That, surely, is your signal to tell Mrs. Wang all about your weekend as she leads you inside. You barely notice when you’re in the kitchen, so wrapped up are you in telling her everything that’s happened over the weekend, and showing her the picture Mrs. Penny printed out of you and Tavros in your clown makeup.   
  
She smiles fondly as she looks at the picture. “Well now, xiao chou, it seems I have a new nickname for you. I hope I shall see you smile this big much more often.” She gives you a glass of juice and carrot sticks and ruffles your hair (you really are hoping for no more crewcuts).   
  
You munch a moment, feeling pretty happy, and then something occurs to you. “What does ‘xiao chou’ mean?”   
  
“It means ‘little clown’, and a more apt nickname for you I have not come across.”   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Terezi==>Scare the crap out of one of your mothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Terezi Pyrope has synesthesia, has two mothers, is freakin' adorable, and makes a new friend.

“ Terezi Pyrope! Get down from there this instant!”    
  
You giggle and peer down at her with a grin. “Aw, but I’m lower than I  _ was _ !” But as if to prove her point, you make a small misstep and nearly fall from the tree. “Whoa!” You cling to the branch with your claws.   
  
TigerMom is standing under you with her arms upraised and a sick look of horror on her face. “Terezi,  _ please!” _   You feel bad for the metallic sweet-hot smell of fright from TigerMom. You guess you really should get down...  _ _   
  
The note of fright in her voice summons DragonMom, and you know you’re in trouble now.    
  
“ Terezi, if you do not come down from there right this minute, I will exact  _ JUSTICE _ on your ass!” DragonMom is glaring at you. There are certain things she does well, and making you stop being naughty is one of them. She smells really annoyed with you, so you decide to come down, and so you scramble into TigerMom’s upraised arms. Her heart is hammering in her chest, and all at once, you are sorry that you frightened her as you hug her hard.    
  
“ Terezi, you know better than to ignore TigerMom simply because she isn’t as scary as me,” DragonMom said wearily.    
  
Now you smell disappointment and that’s an awful, sad smell. You duck your head, flushing teal. “‘M sorry, Mommy.”    
  
TigerMom sighs. “It’s not simply the letter of the law that must be obeyed, ‘Rezi. It’s also the  spirit. Especially the spirit that says ‘we do not want you to get hurt’.” She kisses your head.    
  
You don’t mean to cause mischief! It just...happens! And trees are so awesome and you love to climb them. You love being up in them, especially now, when there are so many delicious colors. Especially red. Red is your favorite!    
  
TigerMom lifts you up and sets you on her back. “C’mon, Monkeygirl.” You cuddle close and sink your face into her hair, which is dark, and smooth, and smells of midnight. You breathe in, soothing  yourself, before daring to peep out at DragonMom.    
  
She looks over and sees you peeking, and the corner of her mouth lifts up and she reaches over to ruffle your hair between your horns. You coo and reach over for her, and she takes you into her arms and you cling with arms and legs and wrap your fingers into her curled mass of braids. She smells of warm summer all year ‘round.    
  
“ Sorry,” you say, and you mean it.    
  
Sometimes, when you are naughty, you become afraid that they’ll give up on you. They’ve never expressed this sentiment to you, not ever, and you don’t know where it comes from. They love you, and you know this. You rub your face against hers, careful of your horns, and trill happily. They don’t mind that you still sometimes make wriggler noises. It makes them have a warm, pleasant, nostalgic feeling that you can smell from them.    
  
You pull back to look into DragonMom’s face. “Will you tell me The Story?” You like to hear The Story after you’ve been naughty. It helps you re-settle yourself into the family after you’ve hurt your moms in some way.    
  
She smiles at you and kisses your forehead. “After your bath and after you’re in your peejays.”    
  
“ M’kay.” Going to bed is your favorite part of the night. There are so many nice smells associated with bedtime--water and soap and toothpaste, and the smell of the red comb going through your black hair, the smell of clean, red sheets, and the comfortable taste of hugs and ‘good-sleeps’.   
  
After you’ve had a long day of playing, you tend to accumulate a lot of smells on your skin. These will keep you up at night, but the baths help lessen that. TigerMom is in charge of it, and the smell of water and soap cleans off the smell of school and trees and chalk and Teacher’s perfume and the other trolls at school. The soap smell makes you drowsy, and you don’t splash too much, since you’ve already gotten into trouble. TigerMom’s finger know the precise way to massage your scalp and between your horns in order to relax you and make you sleepy. She calls it ‘getting rid of the bad mojo’ and her eyes turn into upside-down happy half-moons when she says it. The feeling, whatever it is, is good, and you sigh contentedly and let yourself get sleepy.    
  
TigerMom gets you into peejays and slippers and then they place you on the sofa between the two of them and DragonMom combs your hair while Tigermom gets you hot water with a squeeze of lemon, which is your favorite bedtime drink.    
  
When she comes back with your cup, you watch her over the rim of the cup with large, solemn eyes. The Story is no laughing matter, even if you love it so.    
  
“ When I first came to meet you for the first time,” TigerMom began, “I wasn’t at all sure having you was a great idea. I didn’t think I was very good with children, and we were both such busy people. But we heard about this opportunity and your DragonMom really wanted to do it.”    
  
You can smell DragonMom’s smile behind you, like tropical flowers, and you breathe in, sipping your hot water and listening.    
  
“ And I thought that I could just pick you up and bring you to the sitters like no big deal, because back then TigerMom was a silly Tiger, and she didn’t know you yet. But then the nursemaid put you into my hands.” She cupped her hands out in front of her. “You were so little and helpless and cute! She said you would bite me because that’s what grubs do, but you didn’t, and you made a little sweet sound, and then I said to myself, ‘TigerMom, you can’t just leave this little grub at the sitters!’ and so I called around and around and around but I couldn’t find anyone to substitute in court for me. So, I said, ‘Well, they’ll just have to understand, then,’ and I got a little cloth sling and wrapped it around me, and I set you close to my heart, and you snuggled in, nice and safe and I knew I would never be able to rest easily knowing that you were away from me with a stranger. I argued court that day with you resting against my heart and you didn’t make a single little sound till court was in recess.” She boops your nose, and then your other mother started talking.    
  
“ And then I came down to get you from TigerMom. We spent a few minutes together with you, sharing you and then you crawled right up around my neck,” DragonMom continued fondly. “You made those happy little sounds again, and I took you home with me.” She continues to comb through your hair. She’ll do that till it’s dry. It feels good and you tilt your head back and trill. She laughs and it tastes like bubbles, and you giggle and snap your lips around the sound. “You would look at me with your little curious eyes and you would lick me with your little tongue and grin with all your tiny sharp teeth and I didn’t think there was anything more darling in the world than you.”    
  
You wriggle all over, becoming sleepy. If you were still a grub, you would be curled up in a ball, somewhere between your two mothers, with their fingers draped over your tiny body. Now, however, you bunch yourself up in a little ball with your arms around your legs, just basking in the taste of _ family _ .    
  
==>Terezi: Investigate Karkat Vantas   
  
You’ve been curious about the boy with the grey symbol for a while now. He smells different. You aren’t sure if it’s a good different or a bad different. But you’re going to find out.    
  
He’s sitting on the swingset during recess so you sit on the swing next to him. “Hi!”    
  
He startles and curses, then closes his mouth with a sharp snap. “Don’t tell the teachers I swore, okay?” His eyes are wide and worried.    
  
You giggle. He’s funny! And he smells good. You lean in and sniff.    
  
“ What the-what are you doing?”    
  
“ You smell nice.” So it’s a good different! “Why don’t you have a color on your symbol? No one has grey blood.”    
  
“ Cos it’s nobody’s fu-- business, my dad said.” He shifts uncomfortably.    
  
You tilt your head to the side. “Okay, I guess that makes sense.” She rocks back and forth. “You’ve got a naughty mouth, I can taste all the bad words you try not to say.”    


He looks worried again. “Okay, that’s just weird. You can’t taste words!”    
  
“ _ You _ can’t, but  _ I _ can.” You grin at him. 

  
He still doesn't want to believe you, but he doesn't want to risk that you'll tell on him. “...don’t tell my Dad. He won’t let me watch my movies then.” Karkat really does look worried. 

 

“Oh, what movies do you like?” 

 

Karkat hunches his shoulders defensively, as if you're going to tease him about his movies. “ _ The Wizard of Oz _ , um, and  _ Sound of Music _ , but  _ Beauty and the Beast _ is my favorite.” 

 

“I've seen the last one! I like Lumiere the best. And all the giggling feather dusters.” They make her laugh. 

 

“Have you  _ seriously _ not seen  _ Wizard of Oz _ ?” His eyes are wide and shocked. 

 

“No! Is it good?” 

 

“It's  _ awesome _ , you should come over sometime and watch with me!” He was almost smiling right then! And now he just looks a little shocked at himself. 

 

“Sure, I'll ask my moms. I'm sure they'll say yes!” They'll be glad you have a friend besides Vriska—you aren't sure DragonMom likes her very much, and TigerMom is uneasy about her too. But you're sure that they'll love Vriska when they get to know her a little better! 

 

“Um. Okay, I'll ask my dad when's a good day.” 

 

“Cool!” You sniff again, then pat his shoulder. “Don't worry! We're going to be good friends, I know it!”

 

Just to prove your point, when the teachers call you in to class again, you grab his hand and tow him inside behind you. 

 

You can smell his befuddlement, and it makes you laugh. 

  
  


 


	11. ==>Vriska: Have all the luck. All of it.

==>Vriska: have all the luck. All of it.  
  
Mom always lets you win. You know she's better than you, especially at checkers, but she always lets you win. It's mostly because she likes to see you smile.  
  
You love your Mom.  
  
Dad's okay too, but he's not around so much, and when he's home, Mom and Dad fight. You hate that. Dad doesn't do much with you. He was better when you were a little younger, but he doesn't seem to know what to do with you now.  
  
But Mom and you? You're tight.  
  
“Vriska, girl,” she tells you, “you can't wait for things to come to you in life. You've got to go out and seek them out. You've got to take them for yourself. Sometimes, they won't belong to you. That's when you've just gotta make sure you get them somehow.” She 'kings' your checker, even if you haven't entirely made it to the front of her side of the board yet. The ways she lets you win are _so_ obvious, there's never a doubt that she's letting you win.  
  
But she does it because she loves you, of course! You'll _never_ be as awesome as she is, you know it.  
  
Your mother is a nurse at the emergency room of the local hospital. She helps save lives _every single day_! How could anyone be better than that?  
  
“You promise me you won't let anyone boss you around, okay? I don't wanna see you end up luckless like your old mama.”  
  
When your mother talks like that, it's really best to remain silent. You don't agree that she's luckless, but if you argue with her, it'll just get worse. It'll end in tears and who needs that?  
  
You win the game, of course. She let you win.  
  
After all, there's no other way you could _possibly_ win, right?  
  
Sometimes, Mom asks you to do things that you aren’t sure are right! But they _must_ be right, because Mom asks you to do them, because she’d _never_ hurt you or make you do things that are wrong. So when she sets you in front of whatever shelf she’s looking at in the store, and tells you not to move, you don’t move because _obviously_ Mom needs you to stay. And it can’t be wrong when she slips things into her large purse without paying for them, because she’s doing it and she’s letting you _see_ her do it! Of _course_ she tells you not to tell anyone else because she’s so _good_ at doing it and people would be jealous of her talent. Of course.   
  
When she gets you home, she brushes your hair carefully. You like when she does that. It feels good on your skin and she always is careful about your horns. She talks to you and tells you how pretty you are, and how talented you are (though not as talented or pretty as she is), and how proud she is of you. She cards her fingers through your hair and braids it back, making pretty braids around your horns and tells you that you’re a fairy princess.   
  
It isn’t true of course, but it makes you feel good anyway.   
  
Sometimes, you’re jealous of the other kids in class, not that you’d ever admit it! You don’t really know why, because you’re _awesome_ and your family is _awesome_ , but sometimes you’d really like to be nicer, like Tavros, or smarter, like Terezi. Sometimes, you watch them with their parents and they  just seem to _like_ their kids more than yours like you. Sometimes you feel like such an outsider but you guess it’s just because _you’re_ so awesome, right?   
  
Of _course_ right!  
  
So when Terezi slings her arm around you and connives with you against Team Charge (dumb name) to win your games of ‘play pretend’, you feel _super_ good, and when you intimidate Tavros into doing what you want him to do despite his nature, you feel like maybe your luck is in making people do what you want them to.   
  
==>Teacher Molaam: sigh heavily  
  
There are certain children you worry about more than others. One of those children is Vriska Serket.  
  
She's terribly intelligent, but her interactions with her peers are troublesome. Terezi and Vriska are very good friends, and when they're with each other, you can pretty much relax, but interactions with just about anyone else are...worrying.  
  
Tavros, one of your best students, tends to lose all coherence around her. He stutters and stammers, though he still consents to play with her, for some reason. She and Eridan get into fistfights every other day. And she brings out the very _worst_ in Equius. (You would dearly love to get your hands on whoever taught these children about the hemospectrum against all orders!)  
  
You had discussed it with Miss Price, and you'd decided to speak to Vriska's mother over the phone, but the woman had seemed entirely unreceptive to any criticism of her daughter.  
  
While you were glad she had a loving mother, you also worried that perhaps the woman was a little _too_ lenient. But you are just Vriska's teacher, and you have no right to tell her how to raise her daughter.  
  
“Miss Serket, please stop distracting Mr. Nitram from his work. Come here, please.”  
  
Vriska's grin completely disappears and is replaced by a look of contrition. She comes over to your desk, and ducks her head, looking up through her messy fringe at you. It's a look you can tell is carefully calculated to be endearing.  
  
If you did not have a very clear head about you, it would work.  
  
“Miss Serket, you need to focus on your own work during class time. If you cannot do that, I must separate you from the rest of the class, and I know you do not want that. Is that clear?”  
  
“Yeeeeeeees, Teacher...I'm sorry!" She sounds contrite enough, but Vriska is very transparent to you, and even her replies are calculated to elicit sympathy.  
  
You sigh wearily. You like Vriska, despite her nature, and you suspect that quality of likability will carry her far when her _other_ qualities get her into trouble. “Back to your seat, Vriska, and concentrate on learning the Alternian alphabet.”  
  
==>Vriska: be in cahoots with Terezi  
  
“All you have to do is run sharp, cos then Tav’s horns will overbalance and he’ll fall over,” you’re saying to Terezi. “Works every time!”   
  
“It’s not very nice, though! His voice always tastes like ick when he’s embarrassed! Bluh!” Terezi frowns and looks over at you. “You sure it’s the only way to win?”   
  
If there’s one thing you know about Terezi, it’s that she likes to win just as much as you do, if not more. There was always a way to bend the rules if it meant winning!   
  
“Yep! And Aradia will be too preoccupied with picking up her teammate to stop us.”   
  
Terezi still looked uncertain, licking her lips as if she tasted something slightly off. She was weird like that. “Okay. Let’s do it!”   
  
The game was set up so that it was more like a race, but you and Terezi invented cool characters to be while you were playing. Sometimes you broke off branches to use as swords.   
  
It wasn’t that you didn’t let them win, of course! They won sometimes, because if they didn’t, it would totally be lame to play with them. But when they did, which they had, last time you played, you always found a way to make them lose the next time.   
  
Which they did, today.   
  
Spectacularly.   
  
Tavros loved to run. Absolutely _loved it,_ which was what you were counting on. He was pretty good at running, too. Simply the best there was, in your opinion, which, _also_ in your opinion, counted for a lot.   
  
The thing he _wasn’t_ good at was _stopping_ , or turning. His horns threw off his balance and made him fall. If he had to turn, it had to be in a wide circle to compensate for his horns. But you weren’t going to give him that chance.   
  
You would just apologize to him later, even though Aradia would stop playing with you for a while. But that didn’t matter, as long as Tavros was okay. He’d eventually persuade Aradia to play again.   
  
“One...two...three...” Aradia started.  
  
“G-go!” Tavros finished, and their race was off.   
  
It was _so easy._   
  
Easy to throw the course, carefully marked and mapped by Aradia, completely off, just by running on Tav’s right side. Easy to budge him over, just a little at a time.   
  
Unfortunately, you weren’t calculating _enough_ , because Aradia was running (and just keeping up) with Tav on his left side.   
  
So when Tavros fell, he fell _on Aradia_.  
  
And then _you_ fell on top of _them._   
  
Tavros wasn’t much hurt, but Aradia, on the other hand...  
  
Tavros threw you off of them so that he could jump up and help his teammate, who had been beaned in the face with Tavros’ horn, and was spouting blood from her nose. Deep red blood the color of brick.  
  
“Oh,” you murmur from the ground where you landed. “Oh shiiiiiiiit.”   
  
Terezi ran for the teacher, and you didn’t stop her.   
  
==> Teacher Molaam: confer with Miss Price after school  
  
Not that you really _needed_ to confer, of course. But sometimes it was just nice to sit down and relax with a co-worker after a long day, which today was. Yes, that was it. It was _nice._  
  
Mr. Nitram and Miss Serket had gotten into a fistfight after the incident, and both of them had to be sequestered in separate rooms till their respective guardians came for them and Miss Megido. To her credit, Miss Serket seemed really upset about her role in causing the accident, and Miss Pyrope had looked guilty as she had known about the plans to trip Tavros up.   
  
Miss Price had her head down on her desk. “Do you think we could forbid them from role-playing games?” Her voice is muffled in her arms.  
  
You chuckle unhappily. “It is, unfortunately, a part of growing up we cannot bar them from. The competition, the races, it’s all part of how we grow up. I’m surprised _more_ blood hasn’t been spilled.”   
  
“I think I need a drink, Teacher. They’re tough little kids but man, I can’t stand it when they cry.”   
  
You reach over and pat her head. Her hair was silky, soft. “They are tough, but tears are quite common in all children.”   
  
She smiles over at you. “Yes, but they just seem so horribly pitiful, with their eyes and fangs and horns, getting all teary.” She frowns then. “I’m not explaining myself very well...”   
  
You smile back sympathetically. “Well, don’t use pity to describe any but an adult troll. It has certain connotations in our culture. Our children are only meant to appeal to other children or lusi, since we do not have live young, but they have to be sympathetic enough to influence other adults to leave them unculled.”   
  
“I can’t imagine wanting to cull such sweet children. I hope Aradia and Tavros are all right. Tavros was pretty upset.”   
  
“Miss Serket will have to earn back into the good graces of Team Charge and even with Tavros’ forgiving nature, it may just take a while to do so.” You tilt your head to the side. “Miss Price, what is your given name?”  
  
She blinks at you in surprise. “Oh. It’s Chris. Christine. Is your first name Teacher?”   
  
“In a manner of speaking. Though I respond to Molaam amongst my kin--those of my blood color. And, I feel that you may call me Molaam when we are not in class.”   
  
“I would like that.” She yawns and stretches her hands above her head. “I’m very glad that it’s Friday.”   
  
“As am I.” You chew on your lip. It would not be proper to ask for a date at this time, and you do not know if she would even be receptive to the idea of dating a troll. “You should go home. Get some rest. I shall see you on Monday.”   
  
Miss Price--Christine--smiles at you and gets up. “Yeah. See you Monday!”   
  
You wait until she leaves before getting up and locking up the building.   
  
==>Be Aradia Megido  
  
You are Aradia Megido, and today has been the most humiliating day of your life.   
  
You cried in school. You cried and everyone was _staring_ at you, and your _blood was all over your face_ and you _hate_ Equius and Eridan and why did they have to _look_ at you like that, _why?_  
  
Your nose hurts. Your dad said that it was a good thing it wasn’t broken but who cared, when it was all swollen and now your face was dusky and bruised and they would see it and remember how you bled and cried in front of everyone!   
  
You came home and fled to your room. You weren’t hungry, you weren't thirsty, you just wanted to bury yourself in bed and never, _ever_ come out, not even if Tavros came over and asked you to. You get into bed and pull the covers over your head and try valiantly not to cry again and get your sheets all stained with your tears.   
  
It doesn’t work.   
  
==>Be Aradia’s Dad  
  
Your name is Stephen Thackaray, and _something_ is going on at school. You just can’t think _what_.  It was more than just a simple altercation between playmates.   
  
When you had applied to foster a troll, you hadn’t really expected to get attached so quickly. I mean, it wasn’t a _human_ child, you wouldn’t have the same feelings, would you? You had been very wrong. Aradia was quick and intelligent and quiet, and terribly endearing. You found yourself feeling what you can only describe as _paternal_ , and found it strange how all of the things you did now bent towards what this little girl needed. You’d once envisioned taking the little one to digs and conferences; but now you stayed home, became the curator of the local museum, and wrote articles for the Smithsonian.   
  
The thought of your little girl hurting and crying devastated you completely out of measure. It was merely schoolhouse play, of course! From what the teachers have told you, Aradia is generally well-liked, and had good friends to play with. But you’d _never_ seen her like this before and you were surprised at how angry you were that someone would hurt her, and how sad you felt seeing her unhappy.   
  
You go over to knock on her door. “Sweetheart? May I come in?” You can hear her snuffling unhappily.  
  
“Okay,” she says, in that frighteningly hollow voice she has when she’s upset. You enter her room, and it’s dark and there’s a lump under the covers of her bed that shakes a little. You sit down carefully on the bed and pat the part of the lump that’s nearest the pillows.   
  
“Aradia, come on out...you’ve been hurt worse than this just playing on the playground alone.” Really, it was distressing how rough she played and how much getting hurt didn’t seem to faze her. But today had been different, something else had hurt her. You gently pull the covers down from her sweet little face and take out a handkerchief to clean her up. “Come now. What is it?”  
  
You help her sit up and she looks at her hands, twisting the handkerchief. “Everybody saw me cry,” she says softly. “An’ Tavros got in trouble. And now everyone knows--” She clamped her mouth shut.   
  
You furrow your brow and push messy hair out of her eyes, tucking it in the curve of her horn. “What, darling? What do they know?”   
  
“...they know what color my blood is.” Her voice is a barely-there whisper.   
  
You get a chill when she says that. They’re not supposed to know about that. They’re not supposed to know that blood color even _matters_. (You aren’t supposed to know that either, but rumors do fly, especially in the archaeological community, where various Alternian artifacts have been brought and are currently being studied. Some of the Alternian historians are a little freer about their information than others.) Anger stirs in your gut, and a fierce protectiveness that screams at you to pull her out of school, to teach her at home, to simply keep her away from other trolls until she can defend herself better. But you know that would serve her not at all well.   
  
So you try to swallow down your rage, but your voice comes out shaking a little anyway. “Have any of the other children given you trouble about this before?”   
  
She purses her lips together and shrugs. It disturbs you that even though you can tell something has been happening, for months, possibly since the first day when you were told that a small altercation had happened between her and another student, she doesn’t want to talk about it with you at all. You lean forward and cup your hand over her cheek. “Aradia, sweetheart, no one should care what color your blood is, and if they’re saying things about it, you should tell a teacher, or me. And you know it doesn’t matter to me at all.”   
  
She bites her lip with her tiny sharp teeth and nods. “Equius and Eridan care. They don’t...they don’t say anything. But...it’s the way...the way they look.” You see another tear start down her cheek, and you push it off with your thumb, and then Aradia breaks. You gather her up into your arms and she clutches at your shirt so hard that her claws tear little holes in it.   
  
You’ve never seen her cry like this. And it wasn’t even about the injury she’d sustained, or the cruel joke played on her by one of her close playmates, or even the injury done to her best friend. It was about her blood color, and  how people would treat her now they knew. Aradia wept violently, and her horns butted up against the side of your face.   
  
“Ssshoosh, sweetheart. It’s okay. I’m here and I won’t ever leave you.”   
  
“Yes you will,” she says in that hollow voice of hers, “You’ll die and I’ll be alone.”   
  
You chuckle a little bit. “Not for a long, long time, sweetheart. Come on.” You dry her tears and help her blow her nose gently, considering she’s still sore. “I’ll call one of your friends for a playdate tomorrow. Anyone you want.”   
  
She takes a deep breath and remains silent for a moment. “I’d like for Sollux to come over.”   
  
You smile. “Okay. I’ll see if he can come over for you tomorrow night. Here, why don’t we give you a bath and you can get some sleep. Things will look better tomorrow night.”    
  
“Okay.” Her voice still sounds  a little hollow, and she looks dazed  as you give her a bath, and when you put her to bed, she won’t let you leave.  You stay, stroking her hair, until she falls asleep, and then you go to call Sollux’s parents.   
  
You hope it’ll help.   
  
  
  



	12. ==>Jade: Be the New Girl

==>Jade: be the new girl   
  
Your name is Jade Harley and you have never been to school before! You are bouncing in the back seat of Grampa’s Edsel and you cannot calm down.    
  
“ For gosh sake, Jadey! It’s either hyper or sleepy with you, never an in-between! Now. Yer gonna be goin to school with a bunch a them trolls, so you better be on your best behavior. Remember, they’re just like you, they just look different.”    
  
You nod, still bouncing.    
  
You think it’s really cool that you’re going to be going to school at an opposite time than everyone else! Grampa says it’s just one of the many ways that you’re special! You are special because you can fall asleep anywhere, even though it’s kind of annoying because you can’t control it. You are special because you already know how to do letters and numbers to 100 and you can read Grampa’s National Geographics to him when he asks you to! You are special because you have a really nice doggie who lets you ride him! He’s very big and his name is Bequerel!    
  
You are also very special because you have two parents in the afterlife and not everyone has that! That is very special because even though you do not really remember them, you know they are watching out for you and Grampa Harley.  He’s told you that even though you can’t see them, they are always with you. Sometimes, when you are sad, you think of that and it makes you feel better.    
  
You are also very special, because you have great round spectacles that help you see the world, and big green eyes just like Harry Potter’s. You have long dark hair that’s just like your mother’s and a big, bucktoothed grin like your daddy’s.     
  
You are going to the kindergarten tonight and you are wearing your favorite dress, which is black with sparkles in it and bright green trim. You have earrings shaped like atoms, which is also pretty special, because you don’t even remember getting your ears pierced! And yet, you have earrings. The world is so amazing!    
  
Grampa Harley brings you over as the other kids are playing before school starts. The kids are playing outside after dark! How cool is that?  The troll teacher is very tall! But you think she’s kinda pretty, and she has tall horns and feathery short hair. You look way, way up and grin at her, and she smiles at you with her sharp teeth.    
  
“ I am Teacher Molaam. It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Harley.” She leans down  to address you, which is good because now you won’t overbalance and fall over! “Now, and what is your name, little miss?” She talks very quietly but you can tell that she’s nice!    
  
“ My name is Jade Marie-Curie Harley, and I’m five years old! I’m very excited to be going to school and I’m very excited to meet you and I’ve never met a troll before and it’s really really neat, you’re very pretty, and sometimes I fall asleep but Grampa says...”    
  
He pats you firmly on the shoulder. “Jade, sweetheart, take a breath and let the adults talk now.” He looks up at the troll teacher, who looks as if she might be laughing a little. “She’s a pistol.”    
  
“ As I can see. Miss Harley--” Wow,  _ Miss Harley, _ like you were a big grown-up grownup! “--will be the first human in our class and we have talked to all the children about this. Troll boys and girls play very rough-and-tumble, and we will call you immediately if anything happens.”    
  
Your Grampa chuckles. “Oh, don’t worry about Jadey. She’s quite tough.”    
  
You just grin while the adults talk, and you just want to go and play with your new friends! Finally, Teacher Molaam gestures that you should go with the other children and you take off.    
  
==>Kanaya: Admire The New Girl’s Dress   
  
Your name is Kanaya Maryam, and you have despaired of ever finding someone who is as concerned with their mode of dress as you are. The only other troll who is as concerned as you are is Eridan, and he tends to snub you about half the time. (You cannot figure that boy out.)   
  
But the new human girl, she seems to have style. The dress she has on (what you can see of it through her winter coat) is quite fetching, and you like the pop of color at the trim. And she is so...bright and happy. Right away, she makes friends with Karkat (rather forcefully, since that’s the only way you  _ can _ make friends with Karkat), which endears you to her immediately.    
  
You, however, do not approach her until snack time, when you come with your carrots and juice box to sit next to her. You get a better chance to look at her dress. She is also wearing black and white stripey tights and has changed her snowboots out for sparkly red shoes. While you might not wear the whole ensemble at once, you like it on her.    
  
“ I like your dress very much.” You speak very carefully, because you and Karkat learned Alternian first and English second, and some of the consonants you pronounce are hard for humans to hear.    
  
She turns around and beams at you. “Thank you! I like your skirt. Red is very pretty on you!”    
  
You blink at  her before smiling. “Thank you. I have not really been around a human your age before.”    
  
“ Oh, really? Wow.”    
  
“ I don’t have a human parent, but all of my friends do...but most of them do not have siblings.”    
  
“ I don’t either! I always wanted to but I’m an only, and plus, Grampa’s too old. We used to live on an island all by ourselves, with Becquerel, my dog!”    
  
“ Oh, that must have been very lonely. But you’re here now, and I hope the others are very nice to you.”    
  
She yawned suddenly. “Oh, I’m sure...” She drifted off, and suddenly, she was on the floor,  and your eyes widened in alarm.    
  
“ Miss Price! Something’s wrong with Jade!” You shake her gently, but she isn’t waking up! You wonder if it’s because of something you did, and you are very worried!    
  
Miss Price hurried over. “Oh, Kanaya honey, it’s okay. It’s just a little problem Jade has called ‘narcolepsy’. It means that sometimes she falls asleep very suddenly, and she will most likely wake up very soon.” Miss Price gently arranged Jade so that she was resting comfortably, and covered her over with a blanket. “It’s been a very exciting day for Jade, so I was expecting this to happen. Just let her sleep, Kanaya. It will be all right.”    
  
You nod, but as a precaution, you keep watch over her as she sleeps. You would not want anyone to disturb her. When she wakes up about a half hour later, she explains that she sleeps longer times during the day, but is generally more awake at night.   
  
“ I hope this night sleeping doesn’t become a habit!” she says. “I like going to school with you!”  And she hugs you impulsively.    
  
You think that maybe it would be  _ nice _ to go to school with more humans.    
  
==>Equius: Go home   
  
It’s been stressful with the human around, you think. She’s upset the balance of the classroom, and she did not  understand their caste system. She made friends with everyone,  _ indiscriminately _ , and had the nerve to call Feferi ‘Feffles’!    
  
It was  _ improper _ . And  you are  _ tired _ of impropriety and you are  _ glad _ that the school night is over and that you will soon see Mother. Father drives you home, and he knows not to speak to you when you are in this sort of state. It is not that you do not  _ love _ Father. Father is a good man and he often plays with you, and he carries you on his back and lifts you into trees, and helps you build your muscles. He is proud of you for many things, for being polite, for being strong, and for being so meticulous and neat.    
  
But, when you are upset, Mother is the one who strokes her fingers through your hair and calms and settles you. Mother is the one that makes the tight knot of anxiety in your gut go away.  You have been trouble this year, and you know it. Teacher Molaam is watching you.    
  
Truth be told, you are confused. You do not understand why you and Eridan are the only ones acting as proper highbloods should. You do not understand why the others aren’t acting according to their blood caste.

And you do not know why you are being reprimanded for it and you are too confused to ask.   
  
You know that you should not be speaking of it at all, and so you stay silent.  You cannot even speak of it to your mother. You know she would not understand, for she is not a troll.   
  
Your father pulls into the driveway and looks at you in the backseat. “Come on, my son. Let us go inside. Mother will be waiting with your dinner.”   
  
He opens the side door and scoops you up as if you were still a little wriggler, carries you inside, and then he deposits you into a dining room chair. You remove your shades. Mother always serves dinner by candlelight, to be easy on your sensitive eyes.    
  
She is very pretty, you think, even though she does not have horns or grey skin. She has bright blue eyes and brown hair. The delicate tracery of veins under her pale skin is blue, blue, blue.   
  
She serves dinner, and strokes a gentle hand through your hair. "Darling, how was your day today?"  
  
You shrug. It isn’t something you want to talk about. “Mother, I am very tired.” You did not mean to sound as if you were whining but it comes out that way anyhow, and you duck your head. She kisses your head and pats you. “Then eat, and then you can come and sit with me on the sofa.”   
  
It is your favorite thing to do in the whole world, really. (Though Nepeta is so much better at calming and settling you. You don't understand why that should be, as you have not known her for very long at all.) You finish dinner and she picks you up like a tiny wriggler and carries you to the sofa and cuddles you. She manages to snuggle you up right beside her without knocking your horns, and she turns on the television. She can tell that you do not wish to speak at the moment, so she just holds you and cuddles you and strokes her hands through your hair, tends to your claws.   
  
It’s so relaxing that you nearly fall asleep in the middle of the night! You cuddle up against her, warm and happy and relaxed. “That’s my big strong Equius,” she murmurs. You smile and try not to think about becoming stronger than she is. The thought frightens you but also is something you want. You want to be able to defend your family. But you also do not want to lose this security that you have right now.   
  
But you’re lucky. You don’t have to worry about that for a long, long time. 

  


==>Elaine Schmidt: worry about your son

It is clear that something is bothering him. You know that something has been going on at school and you are worried for him. You have spoken to the teacher, but English is not your first language, and you aren't sure you completely understand. You don't really know about the hemospectrum. 

All you do know is that your son is the dearest thing in life to you and that even if he were not a troll, did not look differently from you, he is precisely the little one you would have wanted for yourself. You know that he has blue blood, and that blue blooded trolls are some of the more wealthy blood castes on Alternia, but that doesn't matter here because it's all been done away with now, right? 

You figure that Equius' preferences must be instinctual, because you've never taught him prejudices. At least you hope you haven't! You certainly have never intended to. You stroke his hair, using your fingernails, which soothes him for some reason. “Darlingheart, I worry for you so. I wish you could talk to me.” 

And he sighs so deeply, and says, “I do too.” He snuggles closer and you kiss his head. 

Yes, you are very worried about your boy. 

==>Jade: give a note to Equius

The next day, in Equius' cubby, there is found a note: 

  


_hi equius!_

_If you are nervous around me you really shouldn't be! I'm real nice and I like all of you very much!_

_Your friend_

_jade harley!_

 

He doesn't quite know what to make of it. 

 

 

 

  


 


	13. The Very Special Two-Hour Holiday Episode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone has a happy 12th Perigees' Eve/Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my GOD this took so long but it's finally done! Just what it says on the tin, this is the Holiday Episode of Kindergartenstuck. I wanted to have EVERY TROLL in the episode and I've succeeded to an extent. I'm sure some of this is weaker than other bits of it. But there are some great bits and I actually like everything that's happened here. 
> 
> So, without further ado, the Two Hour Holiday Special begins...NOW!

==>Be Tavros Nitram

 

You are sitting outside, on Christmas/Twelfth Perigee's Eve night, on one of the swings, facing away from the house so that you just gaze into the trees at the end of your property. It's kind of cold, but it's snowing, and the snow makes everything look prettier. It's quiet, which is good, because you need to think a little bit.

Your mother read you a story today, a story she had written especially for you, written and even illustrated, and once she had finished, you weren't sure how to feel.

You don't mind maybe having a brother or a sister, you really don't! It might be really cool to have another kid around. Someone you can _be bigger than_ , because there's only two kids tinier than you, and those are Nepeta and Karkat...and they aren't, by much.

But it's in the back of your mind, like an instinct you can't help: _But what if they love the baby more than me? What if they decide that with my claws and horns, I can't be near the baby?_ And worse: _What if I hurt the baby without meaning to?_

It's happened before, where you've hurt human kids without _meaning_ to, hitting them with your horns, or inadvertently scratching them with your claws, causing tears and for their moms to look at you like you were purposefully being mean. You wonder if your parents are nervous about that, because you certainly are. You don't want to hurt _anyone_ , especially not a baby! Especially not _your_ little brother or sister! 

Maybe your parents might want to send you to live somewhere else. You would miss them but maybe it would be better, maybe it would be easier for everyone and they wouldn't have to worry about you hurting the baby or the other things that you might do to goof up. You sigh and worry your lip between your sharp teeth.

You can hear someone coming through the snow towards you: since your mother is heavier now, you can't tell if it's your mother or your father who is coming out to meet you. 

But it's Mom. She's wrapped up in her winter coat, and her coat doesn't really fit because of the bump where the baby ( _her_ baby) is growing. She sits in the swing beside you. “Hey, grubby-baby. It looks like you're doing a lot of thinking.” Her voice is soft, and you can hear the uncertainty in it. She's worried and you know it. 

You shrug. There's a lump in your throat like you swallowed a hot dog without chewing it all the way, and your eyes kind of hurt. You sniffle a little, because it's cold and you've been out here for a while.

“Baby, you know your father and I love you,” she says, reaching over to ruffle his hair affectionately. “The new baby won't change that. I might have to pay a little more attention to the baby, but he won't take your place in my heart or in this family.”

You sigh, and the sigh ends with a little twist up at the end. “But...but...” You trail off uncertainly. 

“Tavros, we love you. You're our first little baby and you will _always_ be our first child. It's not going to be you and then the human kids. My love isn't limited, sweetie, and no matter how many children I have, I will always love you just as much as I do now.”

“But...but what if I hurt the baby? I...I'm _sharp_ and I _hurt_ people and human babies are so _little_ and I'm so...” He wiggled his hands with their claws in front of his worried eyes.

“Your daddy and I will help you, sweetie. Tavros, look at me.” She pats at your cheek until you turn towards her, meeting her eyes with some difficulty. Tears trickle down your cheeks and your mother 's mouth makes a small, unhappy shape. “Mommy's going to cut off all her long nails and if you want to, I'll trim and smooth yours too. And you're getting better and better at not hitting people with your horns since you've been to school. I'm going to need your help to take care of the baby, darling. The baby will always know you as their big brother.” She dries your cheeks with the sleeve of her coat.

“You...won't send me away?” The words tumble from your lips before you can catch and bring them back.

Her eyes widen in shock. “Oh my _god_ , no! No, never _ever_! We would _never_ send you away, and Mommy and Daddy would miss you so _much_ if you went away.” She puts her arms around you and holds you close and you didn't realize how cold you were before she holds you. “Oh honey,” she says, “you're so chilly! Why don't you come inside and have some hot chocolate? We can talk more about things and you can see a picture of the baby in my belly.”

They took a picture of the baby in her belly? You have no idea how they did that!

You're still a little scared, but you feel better.

(At least you know you're not going to be sent away or _culled._ You don't remember where that idea came from.)

 

==>Eridan: have an astonishingly _pleasant_ Twelfth Perigees' Eve

 

You don't see why you should get up tonight. Your foster brothers have gone to live with their father, but he didn't care to take you, so why you should care, you don't know. Yesternight was miserable, tonight will probably be _just_ as miserable. The light is getting purple and soft, and normally you love this time of early evening, when dusk is falling, but today, you'd really rather not bother. It's Twelfth Perigees' Eve and it's not like your foster-mother will want to bother with you. Just like she doesn't want to bother with you any day. It's been really strange since she and your foster-father separated. Your foster-mother has seemed lost and sometimes you hear her crying and you feel obscurely bad. But you try not to care because you've cried lots and lots and no one has ever tried to help _you._

(Secret: _you care anyway_.)

So you pull the covers up over your head and close your eyes and try not to think about what day it is. You try not to hope too much that you'll be able to see Feferi today. You try not to listen to the small noises that tell you your mother ( _foster_ -mother, can't forget that signifier, no one _else_ lets you forget) is awake and doing things.

You wish you could sleep more. You wish you'd never wake up. You hate this, you hate that no one wants you around and having no one care about you but Feferi and her parents. You don't know why your fosters even bothered, why you were given to _them_. Despite yourself, your eyes well with tears. You can't help it, you are so miserable and so alone and you just want someone to care about you. You wish that you could go live with Feferi. Anywhere but here.

The door opens a crack, and you try to stifle your sniffling. You'd forgotten about the purple of your tears, how they'll stain the sheets, and she'll know you've been crying. But you can't help it. You feel miserable and alone and so, so tired of being alone. You hear footsteps, hesitant, careful, cross the floor, and then the covers are lifted carefully off of your head. “Come on, Eridan. Sit up.” Her words are blunt, but her voice is gentler than you can remember it being in a very long time. You obey, and she takes tissues and cleans off your face. “We should get sheets the color of your blood, shouldn't we?”

You just look at her, not understanding. She hasn't been this nice to you in such a long time. It's been so long since you were treated like this, like...her _kid._ You don't even want to hope because really...being disappointed _glubbing sucks_. You'd rather not hope at all. You just look at her, blinking your yellow eyes.

She covers her mouth with her hand. “Oh Eridan. I'm sorry, baby.” And she pulls you gently close. She cups her hand over the back of your head. “I'm so sorry, I've been horrible, really horrible.”

You make no motion to hug her back because at the moment, you're kind of scared. Things have been so bad for so long that you don't know how to react to her kindness. You don't know how to react to her apology. Weren't adults _always_ right? You're so confused.

“You wouldn't know what it's like to want someone so badly that you betray yourself to hold on to them—you're so little. I was wrong to put you last. I've been a bad mother to you.”

Something feels like it's crushing down in your chest and you can feel your eyes ache and your mouth start to wobble. You press your lips together so you won't make a sound, but she's looking at you with such...such _pity_ that you can't deal with it anymore. You duck your head and gasp, and she hauls you into her lap, holding you tight, tight, carding her hand through your hair and kissing your forehead.

“I'm sorry, Eridan. I'm sorry.” And she rocks you like you haven't been rocked since you were a little wriggler, and she shooshes you, and the crushing feeling in your chest lifts as you cry yourself out.

 

==>Be Eridan's Mom

 

Your name is Tiffany Jones-Mannheim—soon to be just Jones again, because your husband is divorcing you. You tried and tried to keep him but you couldn't, and so he left you. Your boys are going to leave you, too, because you've ignored them in favor of trying to keep your husband. They chose to live with him.

This is why they're gone today of all days. You are an awful parent, and you know it. The troll that you and your husband had wanted to take in had also been in the middle, and he could go nowhere and your husband didn't want him. He'd never been really on board with you in taking a grub.

Perhaps you can make some sort of new start. Try to be on your own with him and try to raise him better, help him to know that you do love him, you do, but the desire to keep your husband was so overwhelming for a time that you were blinded.

You think you might be waking up.

So you cuddle him close. He smells like saltwater, but not _enough_ of saltwater. Feferi's parents had called last night and invited you and Eridan over to visit for a little while later on. He'll be able to play with her and have a pleasant time. And you can make friends with adults who are also raising a sea-troll.

You kiss Eridan's forehead and smooth back his hair. “It's gonna be okay, Eridan. I promise, I'll do better. I will.” But you know talk is cheap, so you'll have to prove yourself. You think you can do that.

“Come on. Let's get some breakfast and open presents.” He looks up at you with those beautiful eyes of his and you melt, your face breaking into a smile. You remember now, what had endeared you to the tiny grub you'd picked up five years ago. “I made pancakes and bacon, Eri. Just for you.” You push purple tears off of his cheeks. “Come on, baby.”

 

==>Feferi: Greet your guest!

 

Having Eridan over is the best Perigeemas present you could ever have! You have so much fun with him and he's your very best friend in the whole wide world! He's prickly sometimes, and sulky, but still, you've been playing together since you were little tiny grubs, since far before you can even remember. You can't imagine him not being around, can't imagine not swimming with him.

So you run over when the doorbell rings and yank open the door. Eridan is all purply in the face, like he's been crying, but you don't mention that because it would make him embarrassed. So you just hug him hard and bring him inside. His mom's actually there too, which is nice, and she looks kinda blotchy too, but she's smiling so you guess whatever made them upset is okay now! So you throw your arms around Eridan and hug him hard. You can almost _feel_ the remains of his dark mood evaporating when you do.

“Merry Perigeemas Eridan! I'm so glad you're here, thanks for coming. Come on in, Mom and I made cookies!”

His smile is tiny, but it's there, and it's genuine. You can _always_ tell when a smile is genuine! “Wwhat kind?” he asks.

“Chocolate chip! But we pressed them into shapes for Perigeemas! Liiike trees and stars and if we knew what a behemoth leaving actually looked like we coulda done those too but I like the trees and stars.”

He takes a star shaped cookie. You knew he would take the star. He likes starfish, and also he just...he seems like a star-type of person!

“It's vvery good, Fef.” He blushes a little and kisses you on your cheek. You beam at him.

“Come on...finish your cookie so we can swim!”

And he laughs. Like, really laughs. You don't remember the last time you heard him laugh like that. It's like a Perigeemas miracle! He pops the rest of the cookie into his mouth and slips his hand into yours.

He's still chewing but you're tugging him enthusiastically to the trapdoor that leads to the ocean, and you wait, bouncing up and down till he chews and swallows and nods at you, and then you open the trapdoor and leap into the ocean with him.

It's a perfect night, you think. Eridan is smiling, so he must think so too. You both jump down into the water, wait for your gills to adjust. It's not a _pretty_ ocean—you've seen pictures of oceans in the South Seas and oh, how lovely those must be to swim in!—but it's home, and you play tag with Eridan in the quiet cold winter sea, the slow fishes drifting around you, and it's really just...fun.

Later on, you doze in front of the fire with your mom, looking at Eridan sleepily dozing on his own mother's lap, who is holding him close to herself. You're happy that they seem to be getting along, happier together.

You guess anything can happen on Perigeemas!

 

==>Nepeta: have a purrfect Christmas

 

Your mother has allowed you to sleep in her bed and so you do, curling up beside her, warm and safe. It's just the two of you and five cats, and your mother loves you so, and you love her. Some of the cats are curled up on the bed, too, and there's one curled up in your stocking and one on a pile of your clothes. You always have cat hair on your clothes, but you don't mind. Cats are awesome and you both love them.

You wake up first, the colored lights twinkling in the soft early darkness of the evening. “Mrr?” Your mother knows all your little sounds and her eyelids flicker a little before her eyes open. “Happy Twelfth Perigees' Eve, darling baby kittytroll.” She scratches behind your horns and you purr. She holds you with her body over yours, kisses you all over your face till you giggle. And then she lifts you up over her shoulder and leads you to the Christmas tree.

She gives you nice things, good things: fluffy socks and wooly mittens, a new blue kitty hat. You get a new kitty plush to go with the ones on your bed, and something that's specially for you, something she must have written to the Troll Family Council for: a description of your weapon, the one that you'll get when you're ten years old. All trolls carry special weapons in their strife specibus, it's tradition and very special. The weapons described for you speak to your heart: claw gloves, just like a great Alternian clawbeast! You look at the picture of them and smile brightly at your mother. She looks a little worried but you'd been talking about your weapons for at least the last year, ever since you'd heard (from somewhere, you barely remember now) that you were going to get them.

You crawl into your mother's lap, then, and butt your head up underneath her chin. “Don't worry, Momma, I'll still be your little kitty cat troll for a long time yet.”

She kisses your head and smiles. “Not nearly long enough, baby kitty. Not nearly long enough.”

Later that day, you go to Equius' house, and you immediately pounce him with all your weight, but he's so nice and strong that he catches you and sort of tosses you onto his back so he can lead you to the 12th Perigees'/Christmas tree. It's really beautiful and Equi's mom tells you that the ornaments are from her hometown in Germany. They're so beautiful, like spun glass, and you know instinctively that those are not to bat around with your hands, even though it's _oh so tempting_ to do so. Equius likes horses, this is a thing that he likes, and he's gotten two more Breyer horses for gifts, and you play with him. It doesn't really fit, your kitty cats and his horses, but somehow you make it fit, and sometimes, he just stops playing and you lean against each other and just sigh. His hand comes up to pet your hair under the hat, and you bat his. It's a very nice Christmas. Twelfth Perigees'. Whichever. You're together, that's what matters.

 

==>Cynthia Harrison: Be Nepeta's Mom

 

You really don't understand this thing that these two kids do. It isn't that you don't like Equius! He's a very...nice boy, you suppose. You're a little weirded out by how defined his body is (though his mom and dat are like that too, and they're nice enough), and how STRONG he is (he helped you _jack up your car_ once), and you don't think that they should be a good match. But yet, somehow, they _are_ a good match, and you'd be stupid to try and separate them.

But you have to admit, it's a little confusing. They act like they... _love_ each other. Like they'll go and ask one of their other little friends to play priest, and someone will get Nepeta a handkerchief for a veil, and they'll get five-year-old troll-married or something. They give each other tiny kisses and they hold each other and pet each other and play together and...

You just don't get it, but anything that makes Nepeta happy is a good thing. Sometimes she gets so upset, and you just can't calm her down, though she tries for you. From what Equius' mother has told you, sometimes he gets upset pretty badly too. But when Equius and Nepeta are together...it's pretty much amazing. Equius can be in a towering rage (you've seen it, and you weren't real keen on letting Nepeta go to him that time), but one little pat on the cheek from Nepeta can have him calming down instantaneously. And a soft, gentle nudge from Equius can keep Nepeta from having a full blown meltdown.

You have to say that you don't understand it at all. But today, watching them play with Equius' horses and Nepeta's little stuffed kitten, you guess it's okay.

But you still don't get it.

 

==>Karkat: Enjoy 12th Perigees' with your Dad and Kanaya

 

12th Perigees is always difficult for your Dad. Well, Christmas, anyway.

You remember last year, he'd made things nice for you, but still, you caught him tearing up near dinnertime. You'd sat on his lap and put your arms around him and nestled your head on his shoulder, and he'd held you close.

You don't remember Grandpa, but Dad said that he liked you, and when he was sick-in-the-hospital, he liked to hold you and that you made him laugh. But he died when you were only a couple of years old, and your Dad still misses him lots and lots.

You can't imagine not having your Dad. Sometimes it scares you to think about. But Survia had pulled you aside one day and told you in her soft, gentle voice not to worry, that he would be around for a long while yet. There's a certain way that she speaks that calls comfort up inside your chest, untangles all the scariness and anxiety there, and makes you relax. Karkat thinks she does the same for Dad.

Still, you really hope that your Dad isn't ever sick-in-the-hospital because you really don't know what you'd do without him. Today, though, you don't have to worry about that. It's 12th Perigees, and nothing _bad_ happens on 12 th Perigees'!

Survia and Kanaya have come over, and your Dad and Survia are making dinner while you and Kanaya talk and play and sometimes just sit quietly. You trust Kanaya in a way you don't trust anyone else. She's the only one who knows how bad your bad dreams get, she's the only one besides your dad that you've told about them. She can tell when you've had one, too, and she will come over and join hands with you, pet your hair during naptime at school. When you and she were very little, and yes, you remember being very little, she would talk to you all the time when she was talking better than you.

And now she just watches the sequel to Beauty and the Beast with you and sings the songs with you, and it's a better holiday than you could have expected.

==>Be Survia Maryam

 **  
** You aren’t precisely certain how you got to be in cahoots with this human. **  
  
**Oh of course he asked for your telephone number, and of course, he used to call you in a panic whenever he felt that he wasn’t being good with Karkat, but those things alone would not make you...feel like this. It isn’t precisely pity and it’s certainly not hate. It’s definitely some sort of ‘red’ feeling, but still. You aren’t certain. **  
  
**Of course, you’re feeling a lot of strange feelings. **  
  
**There’s the feeling you get when you take care of your charge; the warm feeling of having her curl up against you to share body heat when it is chilly. She does not need a recuperacoon yet, but you’ve shared yours with her at times when she simply wants company. There is this warm feeling like you’ve unlocked fire in your chest, that feeling that makes you hold her to you, cuddle her like some sort of _pet_ almost. But definitely not a pet, definitely the most important person in your world. How someone so small and defenseless can inspire such feelings is so strange to you. **  
  
**You feel much the same for Karkat. You’d wanted him to bring up yourself, but now you are grateful that Terrence has him to raise. He’s more suited to bring Karkat up, and you see mannerisms of Karkat in Terrence, and vice-versa. But still, it’s that warm, bubbling-over feeling that you feel when you hold him, and he puts his arms around you and kisses your cheek. It’s almost savage, what you feel for these two little troll-lets, how you would slay anything that tried to hurt them with your own bare hands and feel no sense of remorse whatsoever. **  
  
**And again, Terrence is different. The feelings are akin, but very different. The way you feel when it’s just the two of you, when he takes you to his bed (so like a concupisent couch, it’s almost kinky that way) and sleeps with you cuddled in his arms...you don’t know what it is, but you don’t ever want it to end. And you know there is pity there: when he stops work for the night, his back aching with being hunched over his computer; all of the injustices he faces every day, you feel the most intense pity you have ever felt for any living creature.  And something else that you do not understand. It’s almost pale, but it’s too red to be pale. **  
  
**Terrence calls it love: he says he loves you. But he says he loves the children too, and even you know it’s a different sort than what he says to you. It’s so strange that they do not seem to have a different word for it. But when he holds you close and nestles his face in your neck and just sighs, that warm-spilling-over feeling comes again, pooling in different places: your belly and nook, for one, and your brain and cheeks. He smiles when he sees you blush. He knows why you’re blushing. **  
  
**The children are watching DVDs on the television, and they’re talking in that way that first-moirails often do, and it’s so sweet and cute that you can’t even stand it. You smile fondly. Your first moirail was so long ago, and you still remember the terrible sweetness of it. She was gone now, of course, taken in the way so many others were back then, when culling for the sake of dominance was rampant, just before the Empire fell and the flight from Alternia began. ****  
  
You sigh. You do miss her, the way you miss home sometimes.  
  
But here, in Terrence’s home (he’s invited you to move in, but you worry about that, you do not know what it will mean in terms of society, you do not know what it means to him as a human, and to you as a troll), it is warm, and peaceful and quiet. This Christmas thing seems to be similar to 12th Perigees’ but New Years Eve is even more so. You are enjoying this particular holiday, more so than the others you have spent.

Terrence is cooking on his thermal heating unit, some Earth equivalent of an oinkbeast, and it smells amazing. He likes to putter in the kitchen, and he's a good cook. You have learned much about how to prepare terrestrial foods from him, but today he just wanted you to sit and relax.

Presently, both children come to you and perch on your lap, one on each side, and they lay their heads on your shoulders. There's that warm, fierce heat in your chest again, and you tighten your arms gently around them.

“Y'look good with children in your arms,” Terrence says. The children are a little drowsy, it was an early night for them, as they'd excitedly opened their presents and eaten far too many sweets. They'll have to wake up and have something decent for dinner, but for now you are contented to let them doze in your arms.

You blush when he says that. “Thank you.” You don't know why that flatters you so, after all, it is your job to care for little ones. Karkat nestles under your chin and murmurs to you, “He wants you to move in.”

You blush again.

“Well, he's right,” Terrence says, a blush coloring his dark cheeks. “We both want you to move in. It's silly, you're over here so much anyway. Or I'm over there..We could find a home of our own.”

You look up at him, blushing, you are certain, deeper than you ever have before. Your brow furrows and you look down at the two little ones cuddling against you and sigh. “Terrence...I _want_ to. I do! But...”

“Fuck society! I don't care. I just want to see your face every day. I want you to be around for all of my days, and for both of our children.”

Both children cuddle sleepily against you again, and Kanaya murmurs, “Mother, you should. We are so alone otherwise.” You shiver. You're frightened—you worry about the Alternian Family Council, would they take Kanaya away from you? No. They could never, because you would hurt anyone who tried. You were trained to serve the Mother Grub, and to defend her caverns—you are a formidable enemy. He takes your hand, then, and kisses the knuckles with his warm, warm lips and you sigh.

“Will the floor support my recuperacoon?”you ask quietly. “And keep in mind that Kanaya will soon need one, as well.”

Terrence's smile is like the sun. “We'll find a house. In a nice neighborhood. Join our fortunes together, and damn the rest of the world.”

You chuckle at that. “Yes,” you answer him. “Yes, we shall.” And for good measure, he kisses you as if sealing the promise. And Karkat kisses your chin and Kanaya trills happily, and “Heavens,” you say, “if I had known that I would get so many kisses out of this, perhaps I would have said yes earlier.”

Terrence laughs and leans in, murmuring, “Just wait and see how many kisses you get when you move in.”

Karkat giggles. And there, you're blushing again, right up to the tips of your ears.

 

==>Jade: call your cousin on Christmas!

 

The phone is an old fashioned rotary phone, and Grampa has to call the exchange in order to make a long-distance call. The handset is bigger than your whole head!

But somehow, it still gets very clear calls. Grampa talks to his son for a little while, saying his holiday greetings, telling him all of his news, and then it's your turn to talk to your uncle for a little while, but who you really want to talk to is John!

He's your favorite cousin, though Karkat at school told you that it's stupid to call him that because he's your only cousin! But you just told him to stop being such a poopy-head and that just cos he's your only cousin doesn't mean he can't be your favorite!

“Hi John!”

“Jade! How's your Christmas going? Did you start school? Did you meet trolls? That is so cool! What are they like?”

John's always like this. He asks questions way too fast for you. But it's okay because you're just happy to be talking to him?

“Christmas is nice and so are the trolls!” See how you combined answers there? You're very clever. “They're all really cool, even the ones that aren't so nice. They've got these really neat horns and they've all got black hair like ours. Their teeth are really pointy!”

“Whoa! Really? We haven't seen any up here, so it's kind of weird? It seems like everyone has them but us!”

“You should come for a visit! You can meet them! It'll be so cool.”

“Yeah.” John sounds lonely. You wish you could have gone to Washington state to be near them, because John's your age and it would be like having a brother, but Grampa's work took him to New Jersey instead, New Jersey and this weird old house that's been in his family for generations. But you love Grampa, you love this house, and you love your round room in the tower with the window-seats.

But you still miss John. So he tells you about his school and his teacher and how you got this really cool shirt for Christmas that has that Green Slime Ghost on it and it's so cute and fun, and he just loves it. He tells you how he's getting really good at that floating rings magic trick that his Dad got him—John is so good, so careful with his magic tricks. You go on video chat every so often and he shows you.

You just wish you could actually be in the same room with him!

 

==>John: Miss Jade

 

Okay, you've had a nice Christmas, but you wish you could see your cousin! Your Dad has made way too much cake, and you could really use help eating it!

You don't exactly know why Jade's Grampa decided not to move to Seattle with you and Dad. Dad said that Grampa Harley had his reasons and that it wasn't because he didn't love you. But you want to be with Jade and Grampa too!

Jade tells you about the microscope that Grampa gave her for Christmas, her voice excited and enthusiastic. “That's so cool, Jade! Do you think you can actually do stuff like blood typing and finding forensic evidence with it? That'd be awesome, you could help the police!”

She laughs at you. That's what she does, most of the time. “Jo-ohn, I'm just a kid!” She stops laughing. “But maybe someday, right? You never know!”

“You can be like Abby on NCIS! It would be soooo cool.” Strictly speaking, you weren't supposed to watch NCIS, but you caught a little bit here and there while your Dad was watching it after your bedtime. Because you are the best prankster and sneak-around-er ever.

Your Dad looks at you and raises an eyebrow. _Uh oh._

“I think I'd better go, Jade. Merry Christmas!” Yeah, you're in trouble.

Maybe he'd punish you by not letting you have any more cake...

 

==>Sollux: Be woken up by enthusiastic twins

 

The first thing that happens on Twelfth Perigees'/Christmas (gee, maybe you should just call it Perigeemas, like Fef does) is that your older twin brothers start bouncing on your bed, even though it's way too early for you to be awake. “Wake up Sollux, come on it's time for stockings!” You are a skinny little kid and you bounce really high when they do that. You can't help but laugh because your brothers are the best, simply the best there is, and even when you fight, that's still in the back of your mind.

They tug you out of bed and give you your blue-and-red striped stocking. You can always tell who has put what into your stocking: If it's bi-colored, it's usually from your Dad, if it's computer-related it's from your older brother, if it's related to video games it's from the twins, and if it's something like mittens or gloves or new Christmas ornaments with your name on them, it's your mother. You get a healthy dose of things from all of them and you honestly never expect as much as you get. Your parents do a great job of hiding things from you.

Then again, you don't go looking. You could find their hiding spaces very easily: you've always been very good at sneaking into places that you shouldn't be. But for Perigeemas (okay, it's a good combo-name), you figure you'd rather be surprised.

Your mom comes into the room and sends the twins out to wake up your older brother, who got in at midnight last night and is still sleeping. She sits next to you and kisses you between your doubled horns. “You happy, sweetie?” She might not get the whole duality thing, but she loves you.

“Yeah. Ith Joth gonna thtay a while?”

“He's going to stay till New Year's, honey. You'll have lots of time to talk to him about school.” There's a note of pride in her voice. She's proud of her son.

You hope, someday, that she'll be proud of you, too.

 

==>Be Sollux's Mom

 

You don't understand him sometimes. You don't understand why everything has to be in two's, symmetrical, why everything has to be in two colors (red and blue, black and white). You don't understand why he looks so _haunted_ sometimes, why he gets those awful headaches, why sometimes he just doesn't want to get out of bed.

His father has been so much more understanding, you think, but then, he understands highly intelligent kids, having been one himself. You're average. (Your husband would argue otherwise, but you think he's biased.) You're okay with that, because there's things you're good at, that you do that he doesn't or can't.

You might not always understand Sollux, but you love him as much as you love your other kids. You like him, too: his little snarky ways, his quick intelligence, his smile. You like the way he sometimes just curls up next to you, almost clinging. Not because he's upset, just because he wants to be with you.

At least he likes Sesame Street. You can laugh at Elmo together. You can relate.

You watch the boys with Sollux, and you're so proud of your family. They get along together, and they take care of each other. Your oldest especially enjoys Sollux, likes to set him small problems and see how he comes up with solutions.

He seems to be popular at school, too. He's often on the computer chatting in the ultra-secure version of Trollian for under 10s with his friends. You want to keep correcting his typing but you've learned that trolls have their own manner of typing, that it varies with each one, and the last thing you want to do is screw him up.

Josh comes out carrying Solllux over his shoulder, who is giggling with both hands over his mouth. “Hadta bring the little alien dudebro, he was starting in on the chocolate already.”

“Thnitch!” Sollux says, still laughing, as Josh tosses him lightly onto the sofa.

“It's Christmas. I'd prefer you all have a decent breakfast, but a little chocolate isn't going to hurt anyone.” You pour pancakes onto the griddle and grin over at Sollux. “Honey on yours, right baby bee?”

He grins at you. “Yeth! Thankth, Mom!” He comes up and hugs you around the hips: he is still so little, your tiny little genius. You scruffle his hair, bumping slightly against his horns. He does this adorable little purr-trill that makes your heart do some weird flippy floppy thing in your chest and brings every maternal feeling you have ever had up to the surface.

“Man, I miss those days,” you hear Josh say behind you. He's looking at the two of you softly, and you know he loves you and his little troll brother, who loves all of you with a love that doesn't know species or differences.

Just now, you feel incredibly blessed. And this is the best Christmas gift you could ever think of.

 

==>Aradia: have a Very 0kay Twelfth Perigees'

 

You are very glad to have had a little break from school. While you like most of your classmates, dealing with Eridan and Equius has become much more difficult for you. But now, with just you and your dad, you feel pretty darn 0kay. He's not much of a cook, but that's fine. He makes toaster strudels for you both and you eat them in front of the fireplace and open presents. Your Dad had to bring you shopping for his presents himself, but he still wrapped them up and acted surprised, and he always managed to surprise you with what he got for you, and today is no different.

He gets you things, mostly from the museum's gift shop, toys like mock archaeology sets where you can dig up pretend artifacts out of the tray of soil like substance, decent magnifying glasses, art sets. And something you've admired for months ever since you first saw it, a Dia de los Muertos doll, complete with bright red dress and flowered crown and painted skull face. She's _beautifu_ l, and you squeal and hug your Dad hard. He laughs his deep warm laugh and hugs you back. “Happy 12th Perigees', Aradia darling.”

“Thank you, Dad...she needs a _very_ special name,” you tell him solemnly. So he takes you to the computer, and you look up Spanish names for her. You decide on Xochitl, an Aztec name meaning “flower”.

You take your doll with you when you go visiting at Sollux's house. You like Sollux's house, it's very different than yours, with all the siblings and a Mom and a Dad. Sollux's mom likes to brush and braid your hair in different ways, and she says that it's nice to have a little girl around—the boys don't like her to braid their hair, and you giggle at that. The boys' hair isn't terribly long, after all.

Sollux shows you what he got for Christmas, and says your doll is 'cool'. You know that he sometimes has dark turns as you do, and his admiration of your doll with the death's head isn't at all ironic. You hook fingers with him and play Skyrim with him, sitting very close. He sometimes says you're like his twin—no, more like a reflection in the mirror, everything echoed but not _quite_ on the same side.

His dark turns are darker than yours—you've only known one time since you met that he's had one. You'd paid a visit, sat with him in his darkened room and petted his hair, and he barely spoke, but you think you helped a little. He said you did, anyway.

He's worried about the others, about Eridan and Equius. He doesn't like that they're being like this about your blood color. One of the many reasons you like Sollux. He always defends you if he needs you to.

“Ith dumb that they do thtuff like that. You're awesome and they just don't know it. They're missing out.” He nudges you, knowing that you're still upset about it.

You feel tension flood out of you and you lean your head carefully on his bony shoulder. “Thanks, Sollux. I wish I could stop worrying about it.”

“You don't have to worry, Feferi loveth you. And thee ith the highetht out of any of them.” He grins at you and oddly enough, that really does make you feel better. Besides, Feferi is really nice!

You suppose it's true what your Dad tells you, that not everyone is going to like you—and you have some great friends, after all. You smile over at Sollux, the first one without the tension in your face, and he smiles back.

Yeah. You can enjoy 12th Perigees' now. You lean in and start to slay dragons with real abandon, and Sollux giggles and joins you.

 

==>Vriska: Sneak over to Terezi's house

 

You had to be sneaky about it, but probably not as sneaky about it as most kids would have to be, because Mom was passed out on the sofa and you didn't know where Dad was. It had been a pretty good holiday since you had opened all your presents already and stuff, but now you were lonely and bored and you weren't sure what else to do all night. When Mom couldn't even make it to bed, you know you're in for a long night of really not doing much besides watching TV and eating junk food when you get hungry.

So you're bundled up, careful to cover your horns, gotten enough clothes together for sleeping over and gone out. You know where Terezi's house was, you remember from when your mother drives you over there sometimes. You could just walk there, it didn't seem like it was that far away!

So you set out. The streets are so quiet and snow is falling softly. It's pretty. And you set out looking for 413 Leonardo Boulevard.

Nights are no big thing to you, of course, you're no night-blind human, but still...without the busyness of cars and other people, it's still kind of weird. And it seems to be longer to get anywhere when you're walking. Not to mention that you think you miiiiiiiight have taken a wrong turn back there, maybe.

It's getting awfully cold. You aren't sure where you're going anymore, and you're kind of starting to get a little scared.

A _very_ little. You're no cluckbeast!

But there's no way you can fail, that's just not a thing you do. Only losers fail and you're not a loser, but your face is getting awfully cold and you're kind of feeling drops come from your eyes. But it's from the cold, because it's really really cold.

It's just the cold.

You kind of wish you'd stayed home.

It's bleak out here and you aren't sure where you're going and you are kind of scared and you really really want your mother. You let out a small sound and that totally wasn't a sob. Nope, it wasn't.

“Hey kid!”

The voice is low, male. You're kind of startled by it but you're not scared, totally. Totally not scared at all. It's a guy in a taxi, his lights off for the night. Your mother told you the top light goes off when they're off duty.

“Whoa,” he says, when he sees your big yellow and grey eyes, the left eye strange with it's eight pupils, blue tears (from the cold, totally not because you're lost and scared) on your cheeks. “You lost, kid?”

You sniffle and draw your sleeve across your nose. “Maaaaaaaaybe?”

“Right. Well, where maybe were you going?”

“Uh. 413 Leonardo Boulevard?”

“Fine. I'm headin over that way. Hop in, kid.”

You get into the taxi without hesitation. “Thanks.” It's warm in the taxi and you sigh, and more tears totally don't come out of your eyes because you were scared.

“Hey. It's okay, kid. I'll get you there.”

The driver doesn't talk much, which you appreciate, as you're kind of trying to stop your eyes leaking everywhere (your coat is dark grey, at least it won't show much that you've been crying), and looking out at the Christmas lights. You kind of wish your Mom had been able to do that too, even if you are just in an apartment. You think the lights would have looked nice around the windows...

He drops you off outside of the house, says “Merry Christmas—oh, 12th Perigees, right?” to you and smiles at you. You grin back and nod, then go up and ring the doorbell.

One of Terezi's moms answers, the pale one with the black straight hair. “Vriska! Oh my goodness look at you. You look frozen stiff! Come in, before you catch your death of cold.” She fusses over you, taking your coat and hustling you into the warm living room where there's this big tree and a fireplace going. Her other mom looks up as Terezi exclaims, “Vriska!” and plows into you, hugging you hard and licking up your face.

“You've been crying,” Terezi accuses.

“It was just the cold. It was cold. I walked.”

“Well, honey, why don't you and Terezi get comfy together, and I'm gonna call your momma and see if you can stay till tomorrow night.”

“Oh, don't bother, she's...she's sleeping.”

“I'll leave a message, honey.” Both of the moms left them alone, which was fine with you.

For some reason, Terezi's mothers make you uncomfortable.

But then Terezi puts her arms around you and shows you her new role-playing video game, and you forget why. Eventually, one of her moms gives you some hot chocolate, and when it starts getting light out, they make sure you're tucked up tight beside Terezi so that you can sleep, and you curl up next to her in the bed.

She holds your hands (you swear they're still cold from being outside) and whispers to you, “I know they're worried that you walked all the way over here, but I'm glad you did. I wanted you to come over anyway." 

You grin. “Of course you did. I'm glad I got here and stuff."

The next evening, your mother comes to take you home, and she never mentions you sneaking out. You're vaguely disappointed; you would have liked it if she'd been upset, or if she'd been proud of you sneaking out because it was something she would have done. Some reaction would have been nice. You ride home in the car, feeling strange and empty and lonely.

You guess you'll have to try harder next time.

 

==>Gamzee: Be extremely uncomfortable.

 

You are over at your oldest stepbrother's house with his wife and his three children. You hate being here. It really isn't any fun.

The kids all tease you and bang on your horns with forks. You have to hurry away to wherever your parents are, to try to get away from them. Or, in this case, your mother, because your father is busy, as usual. You're afraid they'll break one of your horns, and it hurts when they hit them, how bad would it be if one of them actually _broke?_

You sure as fu-- heck don't want to find out.

Your mother seems to get it, most definitely, though your father is blind as he always is—no, he's just busy, really. Just _really_ busy.

But Mom has stepped up to the plate for you over the past few months, and you love her for it. (Not that you don't also love your dad! Of course you do!) She smiles at you when you come to her to try to escape the other little and slightly bigger kids, and puts her arm around you, even if conversation stills momentarily, she pushes it forward with the strength of her personality, daring _anyone_ —even her own son—to deny that you're hers. You just sit and listen to the adults around you, and wish you were back at school. You can't wait until after New Year's so that you can go back.

You miss your friends. Everyone seems to like you at school, even that new girl, and when you're away from school, your mother has noticed how sad you are. So she makes sure you're as comfortable as you can be, makes sure that the others don't hurt you too bad.

You fuckin—you _really_ love your mother.

So she pulls you up into her lap and has you rest your head on her shoulder, your face nestled into the crook of her neck. You haven't been awake for very long, but at this point, you'd rather be asleep than in this too-bright house, with people who didn't really care for you. You close your eyes and let the voices wash over you.

“Steven, you should tell your children not to pick on people smaller than they are. You don't see Gamzee hitting anyone with metal implements, do you?”

“You're over-reacting, they're only children.”

“But being struck hurts, all the same.”

He's talking about you as if you're not there. He and his wife call you 'that troll' and refer to you almost as one would a _pet._ Your brain hears everything, and even though you're consciously ignoring them, you do know what they're saying. Sometimes, something stirs inside you that makes you want to hurt them like they're hurting you.

But you try to focus on your mom, how soft she is, how nice she smells, the beat of her heart where your hand is resting on her back. You try to push the bad feelings away, and sometimes you worry that you won't be able to.

You don't know what you would do if you can't do that.

“Mom. Mom are you listening to me?” He sounds irritated, and you flinch, because you are hurt, but you're also wanting to scratch at his face with your claws _really badly_ , and that scares you.

“Shoosh,” your mother says softly, and cards her fingers through your hair. “Yes dear. For heaven's sake, you act as if I've replaced you.” Your mother places a soft kiss on side of your face, and you relax a little bit more. You just want to go home. You want to see Mrs. Wang, and you want to crawl into your bed and pull the covers over your head so you don't have to look at the daylight anymore.

“And you act as if he's actually a _child!”_

Your mother stiffens.

You flinch. You want to scream at him and lash out, but you just clutch your fist tight against her back and huddle against her, half-afraid, half-furious.

Her voice shakes with anger the next time she speaks. “This visit is over. Give me a call when you have a modicum of _compassion._ ” She stands, still holding you, and grabs the coats and her purse with one hand. You wrap your long legs around her and hide your face in her shoulder so you won't have to look at the people looking at you.

No one stops her as she walks through the halls of the large house and out of the door, but the driver meets her and opens the door of her. Her breath is hitching in her chest and

you

want to _kill that motherfucker for making her cry_

but then you're safely in the back of the car, and your mother is looking at you, her eyes bright, and her cheeks a little flushed as she dabs at her eyes with a handkerchief, but then she cups your face gently in her hands, thumbs stroking your eyebrows lovingly4777.

“I'm sorry I subjected you to that, sweetheart.” She looks at you with her soft eyes and kisses your forehead.

All the anger floods out of your heart and leaves only sadness. “It's okay, Mom.”

“Would you like to visit Tavros, dear? I heard from his mother last night, and I told her that we'd come after our family visit.” She blinks her eyes, clearing the tears from them. You know she's very good at hiding when she's hurt.

But you smile at her, because you're kind of good at that, too. “I'd like that,” you tell her. It'll do your heart a lot of good, and maybe hers too. She likes Tavros' mother.

“Good.” She sighs and puts her arm around your shoulders.

Now you're feeling bad that you caused a disruption, though your mother will never say that you did. You feel bad (but not _really_ bad) for wanting to kill her son for hurting her feelings. You could never do that! ( _Could_ you?)Now that you're not as angry as you were, that kind of scares you! You shudder and curl into your mother's side.

“Shoosh, it's all right, baby. Momma loves her Gamzee _forever_ , I promise.”

 

==>Tavros: Greet your friend

 

You're a little subdued today, even though you're kind of happy. You're still worried about the baby, but you're also kind of looking forward to it, too. Your mother answers the door, and you brighten when she exclaims “Gamzee! Mrs. Bailey! Come in, we were just going to have some hot chocolate.”

“Thank you for letting us come to visit,” Mrs. Bailey says. “An adult gathering is no place for an active young troll, and he'll be happy to see his friend.”

You come out of your room and grin when you see your friend. There's a trickle of pale indigo on his cheek that he's obviously forgotten about, and you know him well enough that you can tell his Perigees' hasn't been altogether happy either. So you go over and take his hand. “Hi, Gamzee! Wanna come to my room?”

He smiles slightly and nods, and you lead him away while the adults talk.

Your room is warm and dark, with the fans blowing the air around gently, and the lights that your mom calls “fairy lights” are soft and tiny, casting just enough light. Gamzee likes your room, and you sit down on pillows on the floor and you pull out your Fiduspawn cards.

Gamzee isn't himself today. He's wrapped his arms around himself. He looks cold and tired. And there's that small indigo smudge that tells you he's been crying. Crying and trying to hide it. You fall silent for a moment and then go over and pull the extra blanket off your bed and go to put it around him, pulling the cushion closer to his and cuddling up beside him. He puts one long arm around you and cuddles back. You pat his hair and feel his breath hitch.

“It's okay, Gamzee. I'm here.” It isn't much but being a troll can be hard. It can be hard and no one seems to really understand.

He takes a shuddering, whimpering breath and then he's crying, indigo tears dripping down his cheeks. You pat his cheeks. “Oh, Gamzee.” He turns to you and loops both arms around your waist, leaning his forehead on yours.

You rely on instinct and pap his cheeks gently. “Shoosh,” you murmur. “Shoosh, it's okay, Gamzee. I'm here. I'm here.”

He doesn't talk for a while, he only cries, and you cry a little bit too, because it's been way too many feelings today and you're tired, so tired. Even though Gamzee is crying, he notices your tears, and strokes your mohawk back. You hold each other tightly and eventually, you both calm down.

“I feel better,” Gamzee murmurs.

“Me too.” You aren't quite sure what happened there, but you're okay with it as long as Gamzee is okay. “Mom's gonna make hot chocolate. C'n I tell you a secret?”

“Yeah. Promise I won't tell. Cross my heart'nhope ta die.” He makes an X over his lower chest where his heart is.

“My mom's gonna have a baby. From her _belly,_ ” you confide with wide eyes. “I'm gonna be a big brother.”

“Whoa. From her _belly_? Not a hatchling?”

“Nope, it's in her belly _right now_! It's making her be a little fat.”

“Whoa,” Gamzee says again. “That's kinda like...a miracle, you know?”

“Yeah,” you say, wonderingly. “It is...just...her belly is so...it's sort of round and warm.” You pull your legs to your chest. You kind of feel a little envious because truth be told, mommy's belly seems like a really nice place to have a pupation, being so close to her heart!

And you got to see the picture, and the baby looked so...cozy. Weird and distorted, of course, but cozy.

Gamzee scooted over again to hug you close. “Glad you're my friend, Tav. Let's always be friends, okay?”

“Always.”

 

==>Be Mabel Bailey

 

You have to admit, when you first got Gamzee, you weren't really thrilled about it. You and your husband were on shaky grounds with your marriage, for one, and for another, you knew he was doing this mainly for publicity. And you were frankly kind of creeped out by the very idea of trolls, and even more so when you saw him for the first time, when he was more insect than anything resembling a troll or a human.

You will admit that the little creature made you nervous and a little bit scared. Your husband was not much help, and you relied on Mrs. Wang a little too much. And one day, right before he pupated, he was alone, he was crying, and you'd come into the nursery to find him with one of his grub-legs bleeding. You'd noticed the legs starting to loosen, and his motions becoming sluggish with the need to pupate. He was crying, shivering, surrounded by indigo stains, and it just hurt your heart. And then he looked up at you, his tiny little mouth trembling and you'd forgotten every reason that you were ever afraid, ever reluctant to be his mother, and picked him up, holding his injured leg gently. He snuffled and bumped his forehead against your chin, and you could tell he was being careful with his horns. Even though you could tell that he's scared and hurt, he didn't want to hurt _you_ , and you cuddled him, and brought him out to the kitchen after dimming the lights down and set him gently on the counter, cleaning the hurt parts and tending to his tears.

After that, you'd been there for him. Of course, you'd made some missteps along the way. It's only comparatively recently that you'd realized that you needed to be there _each day_ for him (just like a human child, what do you know about that?), that he needed to be more casual than you'd thought proper for a child, and that he needed a close bound family. But you're so pleased with how he's responded to you, you're pleased with him, and he's been a real comfort, you have to admit, now that all your children are gone and your husband is gone most of the time, and it's just you and him and the housekeeper. Gamzee, at least, still needs you.

But Steven has broken your heart. You never thought you'd taught your children bigotry or cruelty, but apparently it's something that has taken root in his heart, and in the hearts of his children—your grandchildren.

Mrs. Penny—Alice—sees that you're upset, and she gets you tea instead of hot chocolate while the kids are playing together in the other room, and winks at you when she puts a dollop of brandy into it.

“You are an angel of mercy,” you sigh, and she settles across the table from you with her ice water.

“I'm sorry your Twelfth Perigees hasn't been very pleasant. Ours hasn't been stellar, either, really, what with Tavros taking the news with a little difficulty. But I think he's going to be the very best older brother there could be.”

“He's a very kind boy,” you tell her. “And he and Gamzee are so sweet together. He loves coming over here, and he comes home so happy and peaceful.” You wish he could be like that all the time, but there are ghosts in him you don't understand. It's the only way you can describe it.

Ghosts.

You think you might have seen some of those ghosts today, and it makes you worry.

Alice has noticed your tension, and reaches out to pat your shoulder. “He'll be all right. You'll see.” You certainly hope so.

The two boys come to the kitchen for their hot chocolate and sit down, looking at the ultrasound picture of Alice's baby. The boys agree that the baby “looks cozy” in there with a little bit of envy in their voices, which you think is _just darling._ And Gamzee's shoulders have relaxed, and the worry lines on his forehead have gone, and he comes over to you and leans into your side, careful of his long horns, and does that sighing little purr-trill that means he's okay now, happy and secure.

You can't help but smile back at him, at his delicate little features and long lashes and messy, curly hair. So different from your other children, but just as loved, just as dear. You kiss the side of his head.

It'll be all right, somehow. You feel certain of it. It'll all turn out okay in the end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Vriska==>Be a grownup Troll!

==>Be Vriska Serket

You are Vriska Serket, and you just can’t  wait to go back to school! Before you went to bed on New Year’s Day, you laid out your clothes neatly over the chair in your room. You tried to think of everything you would need to take with you to school, and put your bag together. You wonder how your mother remembers all this stuff! 

Because your parents aren’t home. They’re not home and you need to take care of yourself and it’s a little nerve-wracking but  you are not going to cry. Crying is for babies! You put yourself to bed and you do  not cry, and you do  not stay up half of the day staring at the light coming in around the drawn shades, waiting for your eyes to get heavy. 

You might not have slept very well. 

You get up on January 2nd and pop some pop tarts in the toaster in the afternoon, and pour yourself some milk, and try not to notice how low the level is on the milk in the bottle. You get yourself dressed. You pick up the bag you packed yesterday and sling it around your shoulders. And then you start walking. 

You don’t know where your parents are. But obviously they thought you were awesome enough to be on your own. For a few days. (You hope.)

...Right? 

You’re fuzzy on telling time, but you’re hoping that you won’t be too early or too late, because that would just be lame, and people would ask questions. But you have your coat and the hat that covers your horns and your gloves and boots on, you’re not going to be too cold.  You remember how to get to school, you’ve walked here to go to the playground over vacation. 

You try not to think about how Mom and Dad went out on New Year’s Eve and haven’t returned yet. You also know that you shouldn’t say anything to anyone, because they’ll (you don’t know who  they are, but whoever  they are, it’s unpleasant) take you away, and then what will happen to you?  There’s an awful feeling in your stomach, and your blood-pusher is pounding in your chest and you feel like you can’t get enough breath. 

You can’t think about that right now. There’s food at home, even if it’s not as much as before, you will be  fine.

When you get to school, there’s no one on the playground. Uh oh. Maybe you’re late? Well, you can’t really let on that it’s  your fault that you’re late, right? So...you stick your hands in your pockets and stroll into class, nonchalantly. 

Everyone is sitting quietly, drawing pictures and writing. You just quietly start taking off your outerwear, hanging things up in your cubby. 

“Vriska?” 

Oh, it’s the human teacher, Miss Price. You give her your best smile. “Hiiiiiiii,” you say. “Sorry I’m late! Mom overslept and had to run to work!” The lie comes and goes so easily. Half of you wants her to realize it’s a lie. The other half is glad you seem to be getting away with it. The front of your brain and the back of your brain prickle with anxiety and your stomach is tight.

She smiles though, and nods. “Well, I’m sure she’ll have time to talk when she comes to pick you up again.” 

You just nod confidently. You don’t know if she’ll be here for you. You hope so. It’s cold outside and you really don’t want to walk home again. Even though you’re more comfortable in the dark, you don’t want to walk home  alone .  And it’s lonely, and kind of scary during the day, when you can’t sleep and the house is too quiet, and you don’t remember how to adjust the heat and it got very cold last night, and...

“Why don’t you take your seat? We’re drawing at the moment. Anything you like! Maybe a favorite present you received this year?” 

You nod, and take your seat beside Terezi. She is drawing a dragon with a bright yellow crayon. You try and find the blue crayon you usually use. 

You really need to draw a spider. You really need to draw a spider  right now.

==>Be Terezi Pyrope

You look at Vriska and you  know  something’s wrong. She  smells wrong. You watch her as she presses extra hard with her crayon to draw the spider she’s concentrating on, her lower lip sucked between her fangs. 

“Vriska,” you whisper, as you lean over, “...what’s wrong?” 

“Nothin'. Just running late, is all.” 

"Nooooo I know something’s wrong, Vris. It’s okay, I won’t tell.” 

Vriska breaks her crayon, and goes still. “...Can’t say.” 

Well, at least she admitted something was wrong. At least there’s that. “Why won’t you say?” 

“...Just can’t. Drop it, ‘Rezi.” She isn’t looking at you. 

You drop it. She picks up her blue crayon again and uses the unbroken side. 

After a moment, she leans over towards you, laying her head on your shoulder. 

Yes, something is definitely wrong, but you know Vriska very well. Chances are, she won’t tell you what’s wrong till the danger of anyone getting in trouble for it is past. At naptime, she curls up next to you, one hand fisted in your t-shirt, and actually falls asleep. You pet her messy, tumbled hair, and she doesn’t stir at all, even when you pull the t-shirt from her fingers.

Teacher Molaam crouches beside her when naptime is over and considers her quietly for a moment before tucking a blanket more snugly across her body and allowing her to continue sleeping. 

You feel a strange sensation of something being “off”. Like the world is shifting beneath you, and you’re stumbling to right yourself. Vriska is troubled, her thoughts are disarranged and she smells like worry and fear. 

You’re off for the rest of the day. 

==>Terezi: Go home. 

You’re relieved when Vriska’s mom is there to pick her up, happy for your friend when Vriska latches on to her mother like a growth, wrapping arms and legs around her. Vriska’s mother laughs and blows any teacherly concern off, walks out with her daughter clinging to her. It’s good, right? 

You are silent when TigerMom picks you up. Your head feels tired. You can smell her concern and caring for you but you’re too...troubled to respond. You curl up in the back seat, closing your eyes. 

“‘Rezi? Are you feeling okay, baby? Did something happen at school?” She’s helping you into your car seat, strapping you in, and she notices how tired and unhappy you look, so she takes your red blanket and wraps it cozily about you. 

“...I just wanna go home, Momma.” You don’t know how to respond, you don’t know how to tell her that Vriska’s thoughts aren’t happy, that you think maybe her mom isn’t a great parent for her, and that maybe something happened to Vriska that wasn’t good. You don’t know how to tell her how worried you are, and aren’t adults supposed to know everything, and do things that are the right things? Sure, you know about criminals , but criminals aren’t  parents , they’re not supposed to take care of kids, they’re not supposed to be your friends’  mothers and fathers , right? 

TigerMom just looks at you and kisses your head. “...we’ll be home soon, and then there will be some dinner and bath time. Okay?” 

You just nod and tug your blanket around yourself. For some reason, you seem so much colder right now. 

You get home and you still can’t settle. You don’t eat much. You can’t deal with anything, and you disobey your mothers, and you’re in just a generally foul mood even while they’re bathing you. You can smell their concern, and a little bit of irritation and frustration, and your thoughts are circling in your head. You’ve never felt this way before. And nothing helps, not the shampoo, not the red comb in your black hair, nothing. 

Your moms are concerned. They get you out of the bath and DragonMom sits you down in her lap, pulls you against her chest and kisses your head. “...come on, sweetie. Tell me what’s going on.” 

You are so confused, so tired, and so upset. You promptly burst into tears. Your mom’s  arms tighten around you and TigerMom goes to get you some soothing tea. While she’s holding you, she presses her lips gently against your hair. 

"What is it, baby? You’re safe here, no one’s going to hurt you, but we do want to help you.” Her warm voice starts to untangle the awful, confusing feelings inside of you and you snuffle, calming despite your continuing confusion. “It’s all right, I promise, baby.” 

"Here you are,” your other mother says, putting the warm tea into your hands. “Take a deep breath, and just sip the tea, sweetheart.” 

You do as she says, because your mothers always know what to do for you, and slowly, you start to calm--and speak. And as you speak, your mothers look concerned at your description of Vriska, of her temperament, and then even more concerned when you tell her how...you could see what was in her mind, you could tell what she had done, was going to do. Seeing their concern makes you worry again, and you sip your tea, looking with big, tear filled eyes at them. 

“It’s all right, sweetheart,” DragonMom says, and you know that when she says that, that things really  will  be all right. Because she always tells you the truth. “...we will keep an eye on Vriska’s situation, but we have to be more concerned with you right now.” 

You nod, your eyes wide. “But what if they’re not taking care of her right?” You sniffle. “What if her parents get in trouble and then who will take care of Vriska? What if they cull her and I never see her again?” 

Your mothers look at each other. “...Dear? Where did you hear that word?” TigerMom reaches over to brush her fingers through your still-damp hair. 

“I...I don’t remember.” You take another sip of your tea, “But if she gets in trouble they’ll cull her, Mamas. I’m scared.” You rub your eyes, and your lip trembles. “She’s going to get in trouble.” 

DragonMom wraps her arms even tighter around you and rocks you, and you sigh. She reaches up with her soft fingertips and rubs at the base of your horns, and you shudder all over and relax. TigerMom takes the teacup out of your little hands and smiles at you. 

“Things will be all right,” she says, her voice light and soothing, and you nod, letting your eyes shutter down. “No one is going to let  anyone hurt a little baby troll. It’s against all of the rules of Earth.” 

DragonMom keeps stroking your horns and rocking you, murmuring gentle words into your hair, and slowly, slowly, the nightmare your day has been fades from your mind and turns to dust, and blows away as you fall gentle into sleep. 

You might not have a solution, but for now, you can let it go. 

==>Be Vriska Serket

You mom coached you well when you got home, brushing through your hair gently and braiding it, murmuring softly into your tangled hair. She’d liked the story you told your teachers,  wasn’t it so clever of you to think of it? Her words soothe your jangled nerves and you are so pleased that you sort of forget to ask her where she’s been for the past two days. The apartment is clean and smells like Pine-Sol. There’s more presents for you: a pirate sword, fairy wings, pretty blue ponytail holders that sparkle in the light. 

“That’s my clever girl. You did real well, baby. Momma’s proud of you.” She cuddles you and coddles you, and makes you macaroni and cheese for dinner (as much as you want!) and lets you have bubbles in your bathwater and irons your favorite pretty fairy dress to wear the next day, even if it’s too cold for a cotton sundress. “We can put on your blue sweater over it, you’ll be warm as toast.”  She puts  Peter Pan in the DVD player and holds you as you watch, cradling you in her arms like a little wriggler, stroking your horns and kissing your head.

She croons to you and you purr, unable to help yourself. You are so relieved that she’s back and she wasn’t angry about the spilled milk on the floor (you’re too little to reach the paper towels!) and she wasn’t upset that you told a lie. She called you  smart and  good and  darling little fairy girl  and you are so...happy and contented right now. You’re so happy that you barely notice that Dad isn’t around. You don’t care. 

And it’s not worth asking where she was. You want this happy little bubble to last. 

==>Terezi: talk to Vriska?

The next day at school, you are stunned to see Vriska her happy old self again. You’re glad of course, but the buzz of worry is still fizzing in your stomach. 

Vriska is talking to Aradia and Tavros, talking about a new game. Or it might be a new movie she saw last night. You don’t know. But her hair is braided around her horns and she is wearing a pretty white dress with her symbol on the front of it in cerulean, and blue leggings. She looks happy. 

“Hey Vriska!” You hop up beside her and she slings an arm around you. “What’s the game?” 

“Pirates! We are the Scourge Sisters, terror of the seas!” She grins at you and you grin back. 

“And we are the Alternian law, come to bring you to justice!” Aradia exclaimed, while Tavros just grinned. 

Everything seemed to be on an even keel at the moment, and you...maybe you can let this drop. Vriska seems so happy. 

The remaining fear curling in the back of your head evaporates the first time Vriska laughs, wild and free. Everything is back to normal, and you are relieved. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure about the Chinese, so if I did the nickname wrong, someone tell me and I'll fix it! *thank you to shadowymagix for the correction!* <3


End file.
